Zara

Zara
2001-09-09 03:46:35 (UTC)

The crossroads of life......

Well things just seem to be getting better and
better...don't they. I just received an email form Paul
Bates..." Oh I have found someone..." I mean it is great
that he has found someone to make him whole again, but it
took him 2 - 3 phone calls and an email to be straight with
me. Fucken hell. That is just cowardly. Anyway I suppose at
least he eventually told me what was going on. I guess I am
feeling sorry for myself because I havent found someone
special yet. But I mean christ all friggin
mighty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man!!!! He even
lied to me about calling. I will call you tommorow night,
probably knowing damn well he would't. I came home
especailly so that when he called I would be home. Oh Boy.

Then I cried so much yesterday afternoon. I cried because I
am so stressed at the moment. I am missing Jackson like
crazy, I want to have him back so badly, I don't know how i
am going to pay for the cattery, or how much longer i can
keep him there (financially) I am worried about work. I am
trying so hard to impress them. I think I have done an ok
job because romina was teling me what I fine job I have
been doing. I was 10 bucks over yesterday. I was so upset
about it. I still am, I don't understand how that could've
happen becsause I am always very careful with ppl's change.
I am worried about the rent. I am worried about the fact
that I may never have someone special (and that is probably
bullshit..just blob talk) and of course i am woried about
Beatrice. I still have a mad crush on her. She is probably
married witha few kids as straight as the proverbial line,
etc etc. I have no idea. I kept on listening to the
song "All out of Love" by Air Supply. That's how I felt.
Lost. I think I still feel lost. Will I always feel like
this?
And another intersting development..I miss Lithgow. I guess
more than anything I miss My Mum and My Brother.