Miss Missy
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2003-01-10 00:43:27 (UTC)

First is the worse

This is my very first entry in an online diary. I really
don't know where to begin but I'll start from now and maybe
move back or fwd as the need arives.

A new year is always the hardest for me sense. It's a new
begining and a fresh start... what I always have wanted.
But I want a start when no one knows my name, no one has
any prejustice remarks about what I should do, or even has
the slightest clue who I am and what I can do- no
expectations or goals or thoughts not even a first
impression. I want to rebuild myself or remodle from the
inside out. I know it sound easy but change has been the
hardest thing for me. As silly as it may sound, I enjoy
knowing that from time I wake up I have an hour and half to
get read and leave then I work and then come home. But I
like that I can depend upon things and know they will
always be their. No matter how unhappy I am I know that
it's what will happen and don't have to risk being more
unhappy. But a part inside says, Go for the moon and get
the stars and live and party with the stars because right
now the clouds our burring your vision from down upon and
you know the stars are their to catch your fall so maybe
you wont get the moon but at least you have the stars not
blocked by that moon. The moon is my own thoughts of what I
think others expect from me and I don't know that they do
or don't. The stars our everything I want. A different star
is a different thing. The stars stand for everything I want
and am missing. The moon is the one thing everyone works
their whole lives for it's the thing to keep you alive and
going. I don't have a moon to reach for so I just want the
stars. Does this make sense probable not so I'll shut up
now. Talk latta...