The Nightshade Princess
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2003-01-09 03:04:06 (UTC)


I thought I would die last night. I wanted it badly
enough... kept seeing myself holding the gun to my head, or
my heart... I heard the deafening blast in my mind. How
long would I survive before the oblivion that had seduced
me carried me off into red sunsets? I lifted my mother's
matress and looked at the beautiful weapon, lying, as if
asleep, in its holster. Desire for death arose.. to end
the incessant pain of life, the hideous, mindless toil. I
searched also for a knife... perhaps I would open a vein or
two, but all I found that was decently sharp was Andrew's
gift to me - a long, sharp dagger, of sorts, with Isis
gracing the handle. I could not die by this. As my eyes
danced over the mirror-like metal, so cold in my hand, I
saw my love in my mind's eye. He would always make this
darkness fade. After an evening together, I found myself
recovering somewhat. I am stabilizing still, a night
later... it's not easy. Gravitiy increases the closer an
object becomes to the earth.

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