kitart

artist's mind
2003-01-08 22:45:08 (UTC)

upsy downsy

pendulum emotions, how irritating! doing fine then awful
then fine then bad then GREAT then
terrible....grrrrrrrr.....

managed to be safe today though, which is nice. havent
looked at my arm....poor N. worried him..sigh...too damn
much chaos and uncertainty. God this is definatly related
to the time just before I graduated from high school, you'd
think that something so long ago would not affect me
(course then again, that would mean that the abuse shouldnt
afect me now either and thats from quite some time
before). That time of terror and uncertainty and not
knowing where I would live or how I would make it. Yep,
definately familiar.

Good news, the office asked me to stay through next week,
so YAY, thats very good. Another tiny foothold, maybe
something will break jobwise soon.

Pdoc appt on the 14, god, one week. definate shivers
there. never done this before. got to try to keep my
resolve up.

the 'hate me' thoughts are swirling round again.

you know, its been quite soem little time since I've
painted....too long. okay, theres a thing I can do then.




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