If You Could Only See
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Every new beginning comes from some other beginning¬ís end.
Today was the first day back from break and it sucked.
School hasn't bothered me very much this year. I do not
worry about it like I used to. I am not sure whether that
is bad or not, but it makes my life a lot easier. It
sucked because not enough people are real. Most of the
people I hang out with and call my friends do whatever it
takes to be considered cool. The people I hang out with
most don't seem to bother themselves with others all that
much. Chelsea and I don't hang out a lot anymore, but we
are there for eachother. She is the best person I have
ever known. She always wonders how other people are doing,
and is not bothered by what others think of her.
I had to write 9 journal entries tonight and still need to
write my literary criticism on my book. I can't figure out
how to start it. I hate going from my journal entries to
another writing assignment. I use the journal entries to
vent how I feel about things. That is the reason I am
starting to write this. I want to have my own place to
write down how I feel and what I think about everything.
My love life is so mixed up I don't know what to do. The
girl I liked hates me now, and I don't know what happened.
I feared allowing myself to venture to like somebody
because of the chance of being hurt. I took that chance,
and now I am paying the price. The only thing for me to do
though is to continue to venture. We almost had something
but I was just too scared to take the last step, and it
broke me. I am over her, I just wish we could be friends.
If she doesn't want to be friends, she could atleast be
kind enough to tell me that to my face, instead of avoiding
me and block my screen name on instant messenger. I like
somebody new, but am not sre what to do about it. This
person is definitely the type I fall for, but she is one of
those girls that you can never tell if she likes you or
not. She would act this way if I was just her friend I am
sure, but I don't know if I should see if it is more or
just lay off and make sure we atleast stay freinds. I like
thinking about these issues, but I have trouble doing it
for so long. All it will do is eventually bring pain.
I got my SAT scores in the mail today. I got a 780 on the
math part and a 570 on the verbal. My mom seems happy with
the score but I am not. I want the 800 in math and I would
like atleast a 600 in verbal. I need to work on my reading
comprehension part because that is the verbal part that I
bombed. The analogies were easier than I thought they
would be. I am happy with a total score of 1350 for the
first time taking it, but my goal is to clear 1400.
I need to go into the counseling office tomorrow and change
my schedule. I think I am going to drop APUSH, but I can't
decide. I am going to drop weight training and be student
assistant for Mr. Sivertson. I hope that student assistant
is either last period with him or whatever period AP Stats
is because all his other classes would stink to sit through.
Well, I'm gonna go do that literary criticism now. Why do
I procrastinate? Oh well.