The land of unknown
2001-09-07 19:01:21 (UTC)

The Height of Callousness

one week of school is done. so far, no new friends, but
usually, i'd have at least 2 or 3 new friends. but i just
haven't been myself lately. last night, i went to bed at
9:17. i fell asleep at 10:30 or so, i think. but while i was
in bed, i was thinking about my life. where i am right
now, and any direction i can go from here. then i started
crying because while i was thinking, i could find no way
out. i could see no happy ending. every day, it feels like i
lose another part of myself. i've stopped writing,
drawing, i haven't played the guitar in a while. i'm losing
grip of myself. as of now, my day starts when i get
home from school. i don't even think of school as a part
of my life. i mean, as i saw it, i would have killed myself
last night, out of the fact that my life is becoming a
routine of nothing. the only thing that i live for is talking
with the friends that i have. but only small numbers of
them still talk to me. the only thing that really kept me
from killing myself, was that had friends still left. and
they do care about me. and i knew what killing myself
would do to them. and Lyz is already not doing that
good, i don't know what that would have done to her.
and also, i didn't do it because so many do. i would
become a number. one of those teens who take their
life. and i would lose everything i could do in the future.
all i could change. so i want to live to take revenge.
revenge on this world for distroying everything i had.
now i want to kill some one else. so, no one better start
shit with me at school, i might kill them. at least i've
started drawing again. i drew a few pictures of
Spineshank, Slipknot, Mudvayne, Fear Factory, and
Skinlab. i drew each of their logo's and symbols and
then drew comic style faces for each member. i got
sloppy with Slipknot though. at least i'm drawing again.