AllShadows

Watch me lose it...
2003-01-06 21:15:29 (UTC)

Happy Birthday Timmy

Listening to : Nickleback - Just For You
--------------------------------------------

High amounts of anger in general today. Just
boring...bitterly boring and bitterly cold.
We went to the pub at lunch time because it was Riche's
birthday last week on friday.
Didn't stay all afternoon though. Had to drive...Andy was
putting the dampners on that idea anyway. Still can't
figure him out at all and although i hate to say it he
bothers me. Still feel like hes gonna stab me in the back
or something. Hes the kind of guy, I get the feeling he
talks about me to the others behind my back and takes the
attitude "the department would run alot more smoothly if
Rob wasn't here...hes got too much to say." Still..he seems to have
got the outing to laser force started so thats ok..in some
ways..although feel I might live to regret that idea.
Part of me loves it though. Umberto loves it. He loves it
that Andy dislikes him, almost fears him.
Gary made some joke about porn sites "with pictures of your
family." I got bitter over that one although I have to say,
finding the energy to battle him is difficult. In the end
it was something along the lines of fast questioning. "Oh
you can rhyme well done..did you go to college? did you go
to university? do you have an a-level"...then little names
about his rhyming jokes. Hes a fucking prick. I'd love to
have him a fight. I don't find him funny, especially when
I'm trying to get a sensible answer out of him.
He went home at dinner time anyway. Slack fucker.
Thomas is a slack fucker too. Looks like I'm back on
morning work because hes going off sick. God knows for how
long. I was supposed to start this work for 2 weeks...7
months later I still can't shake it. Thomas
has "labrinthitis" or some other thingymajig. Suprised I
was to find out katies husband has the same thing.
Something else to add to his long list of troubles. Poor
bastard. Isn't life hard?
Spent afternoon being generally dry. I think I'm my own
worst enemy. Nobody can really tell when I'm joking or not
because I can say things very sincerely with a straight
face. Thats cool. If I can hurt any of them half as much as
they hurt me sometimes I guess all the better.
Found out i had to speak to kev and Richard Wyles about the parking
ticket. Both a couple of twats...can't see they'll let me off. I hate
Richard Wyles especially. All snide witty remarks and "I'm so
clever." I'd kill him and his children if I could my hands on those
sweet little faces and if I thought i could get away with it.
Perhaps thats a bit harsh.....feeling guilt...

Oh...confession...started writing in one of those stupid online diary
things again. Don't ask why. I feel like a geek.
I called it "watch me lose it". How pathetic.
I spent some time reading through what was on there. Mostly
average stupid American teen girl stuff..."does Brad like
me..oh well whatever", the odd "oh god..I want to die" page
and a whole lot of running porn commentary. The whit of
humanity perserved for all to see. How wonderful.
Its a better one though than the other one I bothered with.
Nobody can write stupid comments at the bottom of the page
so vampire lady FUCK OFF!
I'm gonna do it different. Not write my whole life story...just
write. Doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense to anyone.
Maybe it'll be better. Maybe it won't. Such is the way of life. Toss
a coin and see probability itself in action.

Umberto has [email protected]:23
....PHEAR ME


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