Starry Dawn

Truth is a whisper
2003-01-06 20:47:28 (UTC)

What the hell is wrong with..

What the hell is wrong with me..
I find myself getting frustrated with T so much sometimes..
things have been weird with us lately. We've always been so
close and now its like lightnings struck and there's this
huge gap between us that can't be bridged. All we do is try
and hurt each other, out do each other in how bitter we can
be.. and I can see right through him. I see what he's
doing, trying to make me jealous, well its working. But I
think I have every right to be angry. Every friend we make
together.. he has to be liked better. He has to be the
loved one. Its like he gets kicks from seeing me left out,
the outsider in everything we do. When we first started
college he was content to go off with other people.. cry on
other peoples shoulders and ignore me then shout at me for
not being there for him. He wanted to be the best one, the
one that everybody loved. Well I'm sick of living in his
god damn shadow. When I made friends at college, I was so
happy that I finally found people I got along with. But he
just had to have more friends, and they had to be *better* than
mine. And now its like he thinks there's this competition
revolving around J.. like J's "his" friend or something,
but he was both our friends and now he thinks he can take J
off me well its not hard, he loves to run around being the
centre of attention, I guess he's just naturally more fun
than me. I feel like he just wants to prove to me that he
can always make people love him, that he can always steal
my limelight. I'm so tired, I don't know why I bother. I
just feel like getting away from here because its the only
way I'll be free.

The worst thing is.. the worst of it is that it all has to
be about him, everything is him him him. His problems, his
life, the guys in his life. I can't ever talk about me, not
that I want to. I just wish he'd ask once in a while and
then actually listen rather than just sit there staring
blankly into space waiting for his turn to talk about him.

I just feel like I could die and all people would notice is
that there's no doormat to wipe their feet on anymore..
well except maybe for J..




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