My Reality
Ad 2:
2003-01-06 04:18:26 (UTC)

My birthday and what i remeber of the new year

I'm turning 20 in 14 days and honestly it depresses me, i
used to think that birthdays were something to treasure
and that with each new year i would gain loads of
knowledge and experience and a better sense of
myself..this year i realize
thats it, theres nothing special about it, theres nothing
exciting about it, its just not going to be my year i dont
think...ditched by my pseudo kinda more than a friend but
never a bf person whom i love with all my heart 20 days
before my birthday, and the one thing i wanted for my
bday?...i just wanted to see him...i wanted josh to just
come to boone spend the day with me, let me show him off
and let us have a normal day, would that be so
horrible?..but know what i get for this years
birthday...i get shopping adn cake the friday before my
birthday, and then sunday on my actual birthday, january
19th, i get to be alone..thats the gist of it, none of my
frneds will remember, josh either doesnt know or doesnt
care im assuming, and even if he did i dont think theres a
snowballs chance in hell i would hear from him anyways,
and i will spend the evening eating some stale sheet cake
that my mom buys at a nasty bakery in some hole in
morganton, and then fall asleep feeling sorry for myself...
doesnt that sound like a shit birthday to you?..i mean
just once it would be nice to actually enjoy my
birthday..i'm scared that this has set the tone for the
rest of the year...i mean lets look at this, keeping in
mind that im not typically the kind of person who believes
in all that cosmic bullshit, but still, the day before the
new year josh breaks things off, he doesnt want to talk to
me, will probably ignore me if i try to talk to him or
keep in contact, i'm alone, i spend new years eve alone
crying over him, i spend new years day alone crying over
him picking up dog poo as my parents are away enjoying
their vacation, i rung in the new year a lil trashed from
some vodka used to calm my nerves, with two feist, a lab
resting on my legs and a tabby cat curled around my face,
as i layed in my mothers bed crying and wondering if the
man i loved was somewhere loving me back or just knocking
a few back and living it up...i mean i am no "believer"
and i could typically care less what the fucking stars had
in order for me but it just seems like this year is off to
a real crap start dont you think?