Welcome to own demise
2003-01-06 03:43:00 (UTC)

the city goes to bed and i can live inside my head

i miss him soo much. He's only been away for like 2 days,
ive gone weeks without seeing him or talkin to him but i
miss him soo soo much. i think its because i know i cant
just pick up the phone and call him.

new years was absolutly fantastic, i spent it with my 2
best friends, dave and albert. rebecca was there too i love
her, and danny was there too... he saw me topless... oh my!
lol jesus he saw some other things too but eh we wont get
into that... i mean u cant hang out with me and albert and
not expect to see a lil some some... ya know? anyways

ive decided im not going o have sex...... ever. i dont plan
no dating any other guy now that albert's gone. he said
something bout how hes not plannin on havin any sex out in
cali.... eh i dont know bout that, but i do know i dont
plan on having any sex. its not worth it. i love albert way
to much to sleep with anyone but him, evenm tho hes not my
bf, ya know? i dunno it makes sense to me.

ive also decided that im not gonna be a bum. im going to
finsih school and wirte my book and work on my writing and
art and focus on me. i deserve it ya know. and even tho i
dont really wanna go to college doesnt meani can be a bum
and not do anything, and just fuck around ya know? albert
left to get his shit together. hes on the other side of the
country he went so he can do what eh needs to do, i shyould
do the same,. granted the best thing i should do is move
back to mass and get my act together, but that aint
happenin, i can do my thing here, i can do it, i can i can
i can. fuck my school i hate it, but ya knwo what, oh well
i can do it, ill make it just to piss them off. ive done it
b4 i can do it again. and im gonna start excersizin and
whatnot again im gonna be soo awesome. when he comes back
hell never want to leave me again. itll be great.

so my resolutions:
1.)date right- meaning no sex, no random hook ups with
guys, but im not gonna go out lookin for a man. i knoe
where my heart is, and even if i do end up dating somene
this year, they r never gonna be number 1 in my heart. its
not fair to them but i dont care, they wont know bout it.

2.) get my shit together- enough said

3.) lose more weight.

4.) write my book.