Nobody Loves Your Beautiful Garbage
2003-01-06 03:16:37 (UTC)

Would you do it again?

I guess at least everyone has asked themselves from time
to time and relationship to relationship after or before it
has ended if they would do it all again, even if they know
how it will or would end.
Part of me says yes, and part no. I find it hard now days
to explain to my current love interest exactly what
happened to me. Simply cause I dont really know myself. Its
like I was completely destroyed from the last girl, and I
dont know how to fix myself good enough or fast
enough..sometimes im just so scared im going to lose her or
already have.
I just feel like nowdays that im going be alone forever
and im just kidding myself if i think there is someone out
there that will love me as much as i love them.
I hate being like this, I hate doing this. I feel like
such a failure at everything...I wish I could go back to
being strong, and not lonely and not broken like before kym.
I think I know that my girl loves me. Its just that after
kym I really dont know for sure. I mean cause kym said she
loved me and she left me and didnt even give me a chance to
make it better to see if it might work between us. Kym just
decided to go out and cheat and take my house, car and
everything and I let her, cause I was weak. And at this
point if my girl left me I dont know what I would do, cause
she is a really good friend and most people dont stick
around after they break up.
I just wish for once I would find that someone, and she
would love me just like I love her. I used to envision my
perfect woman. Funny enough down to her name and city and
occupation. How is that for
Her name was Abby and in Boston. She had these amazing
brown eyes, and was studying law, but she really loved art.
And she had a smile that could take anyones breath away.
She loved me just like I loved her, and I was myself around
her, and she liked me for me.

Unfortunely there is no Abby to save me, no Boston for me,
and the one woman that does take my breath away with her
smile and amazing brown eyes, doesnt feel the same way
about me I guess. Its just like ever since Kym I dont know
how to talk...I mean cause if I do and we really get close
like I thought me and kym did then I'm emotionally screwed
cause I already like my girl so much, I dont know what to
do. I have so much I could say, but the lines are in the

If anyone at all reads this, please help me out...should I
open up like I did in my last relationship so we can be
great friends, or just be the way I am?