Ad 0:
2003-01-05 23:35:21 (UTC)

You did not use me

I feel used. Everyday, I wonder what I did that for? For
love?? For truth or just to do it?. Why must everything I
do be for someone else? I hate the way I do it. I cant help
it. I do things to make other people happy...Not me...Im
not happy, I wish someone would be there to make me smile.
I joke around, its only to cover this frown. I wish you
would come around, and say all those words. But its only a
dream...I wish it would stay. If you came back around,
Heaven would fall upon the world. If you came back to me, I
would not make the same mistake...I would act like me...not
cover who I really thought I was someone I wasnt..I
changed because I was afraid. Now I realize that if you
dont like me for me, its not my fault. But if you dont like
the mask I wear, its it my fault. I want to rip this mask
off like it is on fire, I want to take it off like it is
burning my skin. It is burning my skin. Its starting to
melt into my soul and I want it out. I want to be myself.
Not the person I am now.. fake smile, fake laugh, no
fun...its not right. I want to smile for you. no one made
me smile like you did..if I could ask you for one
would be the chance to show you who I really am. Im sorry
and I appologize for any pain I may have caused you.. I
have made you my enemy, but now I need you as my friend.
and I have been wrong for so long not to ask for your
forgiveness. and if youu dont accept, ill understand..but I
need to make amends. Its hard for me to say this, but Ive
been going through some changes. Im sorry, but I have been
blaming you for the turmoil beneith my skin. Im sorry...I
blamed you. Im on my knees asking for forgiveness.

Want some cocktail tips? Try some drinks recipes over here