i_bleed_life

The mediocrity that is me
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2001-09-06 22:42:25 (UTC)

40 oz. to freedom....

Ok, so i ripped the title off of a sublime song. So sue me.
I happen to like sublime a lot. Especially this song.
Anyways, there was a point to me titling this entry that...
At least, I remember there being a point when i started it.
Oh well, i suppose i'll just start, and when i get to the
end i'll stop.
I despise school with every atom of my very being. I hate
the monotony of every day, and the routine, the same thing
every damn day. Nothing new. Ever. When i picture the hell
that i am doomed to burn in, i think of high school. i
cannot fathom there ever existing a hell worse than that
torture pit.
Yeah, anyways. I have issues with my life. I hate liking
guys, I really do. Everytime I do it, i end up falling for
exactly the wrong person. And i'm always like madly in love
(i'm using these words EXTREMELY sarcastically here.) with
them for a long time. And by that, i mean over a year. Over
a year i waste falling for the wrong guy. And i try and i
try to get over whoever it is...but i can never do it. And
it really pisses me off. Like now. I've totally fallen for
one of my friends, and everything between us is weird. Not
because I suddenly made it weird or anything, it has to do
with everything else...Ok, so last year, we became really
good friends. (And i honestly do not use that term lightly.
I don't say i have many good friends.) So yeah, and then i
totally fell for him, and i know he liked me. And then we
made out. Of course, we were both drunk at the time, so
yeah. and then things got weird. I know i still liked him,
and i would have pretty much done anything to at least try
some sort of relationship....but i did not want to kill our
friendship. and all of a sudden, we didn't talk anymore.
ever. we didn't hang out. at all. just like that. sudden.
abrupt. painful. But i still liked him. And now, a year
later, i still like him. Now, here's another weird part. We
both went to a concert together, and got totally smashed.
Afterwards, we ended up hooking up. Again. And we were like
holding hands in the concert or something, i dont know. OK,
i'm seriously going to stop here because thinking about
this shit depresses me, and I don't need that. Not now. Not
ever again.


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