Dick Doomsday

Pathetic Punk
2003-01-05 08:53:49 (UTC)

nothingness

today was a pretty good day.

went to work and yeah. i love working with tommy. we messed
around all day.

then i was sopossed to go to Hemit with him and his dad but
his dad decided he didnt want to go so we grabbed some grub
and watched movies at his house.

i love hanging out with tommy. i am totally comfortable
with him. i've only known him for a few months but we are
so close.

while we were sitting on his couch (my head on his shoulder)
he started playing with my hand (like usual) and i dunno. i
guess we're both touchy feely people. i kept forgetting he
wasnt my boyfriend. like i felt like he was john and i just
wanted to cuddle. but he isnt my boyfriend. he's tommy, my
friend. uggggghhh.

then i told him i wanted ice cream and he took me to baskin
robins at 9:30pm. how sweet. i didnt even know they were
open that late. while we were waiting our turn we were just
holding hands and hugging and stuff. almost as if we were
going out. i think of it as "playing around" but only cuz i
forget he's straight. then i realize he is straight and i
feel guilty. like i'm cheating or something. its totally
harmless kiddie stuff but i dunno.

then we walked to starbucks cuz i wanted a frap and we did
the same thing. but somewhere between our laughs and
goofyness he said "i love you". that caught me totally off
guard. like someone whacked me across the face with a bat
or something. i shrugged if off as nothing but when i think
back to how he is around me i dunno.

then we went back to his house and watched the end of
Porky's 2 and SLC Punk. by this time his dad had gone to
bed. so that meant the other end of the couch was free. but
he sat right next to me. we "assumed the position" my head
on his shoulder and my hand in his lap. and watched movies.
again, he played with my hands and such.

i feel bad. like i did something wrong. but i know i didnt
really do anything wrong. if i had feelings for him it
would totally be different. but i dont. he's like my newest
best friend.

in march his dad is moving back to LA and that means tommy
will have a whole three bedroom house to himself. he asked
if i wanted to move in. im thinking about it. that would be
cool. i love him to pieces. we're so totally alike its not
even funny.

hmmm..so yeah. then he drove me home cuz i was tired and
that was it. he said he's gonna call me tomorrow after he
gets off of work. i hope he does. i'd like to spend more
time with him.

i'd also like to spend some time with my boyfriend but lord
knows where the hell he is. he's either not home, or
watching a movie with josh or something. eh, maybe i'm
feeling neglected. maybe thats why i'm basking in the
attention i get from other people. maybe thats why
i "pretend" tommy is my boyfriend. cuz i spend so much time
with him. time i wish john spent with me. getting
the "attention" i feel is owed even if it be from tommy.

uuuggghhh...i'm confused. i'm lost. and right about now i'm
tired. now comes the time where i shrug off eveything that
happened and wake up refreshed and longing for a new day.

so here i am kiddies. angie, signing off. so long,
farewell, goodbye.




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