lilliana

lilliana
2001-09-06 20:38:45 (UTC)

Shh...it'll be over

Feeling a bit warm. Warm with sadness. I cannot understand
how people pair sadness with cold. No no no...tis wrong.
Cold keeps you perky and jittery. It may be uncomfortable,
but it still keeps you on your feet. But this is only my
opinion... While on the bus I stared out the window and saw
my vague reflection. What a pretty girl, I thought to
myself. Then suddenly realizing that it wasn't my own
image , but the reflection of a girl behind me...sneering
at me. She thinks Im some kind of loner or "unpopular" dork
or some ethnic with shit for brains...You know one of those
looks that speaks a jillion words? Man... I could write 40
songs with her stare.
Oh no. The nightmares are back. For God's sake they are
back again. The man that comes in thru my garage window has
vanished, now there is a new nightmare of a death. It's the
death of my school counselor, Mr. Grover ( whom I never had
much care for) but the thing is that, in my dream, the
innercome comes on broadcasting the monotone voice of my
vice-principle as she goes on to inform us that Mr. Grover
lost his battle with cancer. I sit in my desk, shocked at
first and then I start laughing...not your average ha, ha,
ha, oh that's funny laugh, but a HUGE guffaw as an array of
eyes glared at me. Teachers ( who upon hearing the news
started crying) stopped dead in their tracks to witness
this flat out disrespect. It felt like ( for in my dream I
can "feel") something was forcing me from inside my throat
to laugh and laugh and laugh. Oh it was horrible. I felt
evil. Like, I was the cancer that caused Mr.G to die. It
was strange. Nighmares are always so strange. Pretty soon,
they might start getting pernicious. Oh god, I hope that
doesn't happen...I hope.