enter my train of thought
2003-01-05 00:27:04 (UTC)


ok, so hatred is a very strong word. maybe intense dislike
would be better.

i intensly dislike the AIM profiles. i dunno about ya'll,
but mine let's me write about 2 sentences, if i'm lucky,
and it makes me wanna bash the computer's face in. and
while we're talking about the madness of the computer,
we've already discussed my "intense dislike" for the z key,
but now my keyboard has taken this little problem a step
furthur. the space key is spastic. sometimes it works the
way it's supposed to. sometimes it does a double space and
won't let you fix it. and sometimes the dumb thing just
straight up won't work at all. it's quite frustrating. i
guess we're on one of the working properly kicks, but we
wouldn't wanna jinx it. i'm thinking of maybe using the
keyboard to bash the computer's face in and killing two
birds with one stone. very efficient.

so to continue with this hatred theme. i "intensly dislike"
money. i think it should never have even come into play in
the first place. people wouldn't need money to buy things,
companies wouldn't need money to make things for the
purpose of making more money, and the human race and Anna
in particular would be very content. i hate it that we
don't have enough of this money that i wish wouldn't exist
in the first place. so you're asking yourself what brought
about this hatred of money? well i'm in the dentist's
office the other day - where this new young dentist that
saw me after the hygienest (sp?) saw me was totally
completely and whatever other words i can't think of at the
moment cute. i wouldn't go so far as to say he was hot, but
he was majorly cute. and funny. and he didn't hurt when he
was poking around in my mouth like that hygienest lady did.
which is a plus. and he kept up our conversation like we
were best friends. or whatever. i digress. he was majorly
cute - i guess the word i'm looking for to make it sound
not so middle-schoolish is attractive. he's gonna make some
lady realllyy happy. and it's not that i wish that this
lady could be me. i was just astonished at the
attractiveness and other positive attributes of this young
man. but i'm digressing again.
back to the money issue. this spastic hygienist lady who
made me bleed says she wants to see me and my sister back
in 4 months. and this other helper lady standing there
looking at our files tells her that our insurance only
covers twice a year visits. and she points to something on
the files and they share this look. like there's a
big "POOR" sticker in bright red on the first page of our
files. so then these two lovely ladies go out in the hall
thinking i can't hear them talking about it. apparantly
they have no concern for anyone's money issues, they're
just regular old scheduling-appointment-fiends. anyway,
lemme tell you how great this whole experience made me
feel. and it's not even like we don't have any money at
all -- just not any to spare. and after this summer when my
sister goes to college, it''s gonna be even worse. my dad
jokingly says we're gonna hafta decide between dinner some
weeks and buying lauren's college books. i know he's just
joking but it makes me feel bad. and then when i start
thinking about it i feel even worse and i start feeling
selfish cause i know we've got lots more money than tons of
people and we're lucky to even have the opportunity to go
to college. it would probably help my state of mind if i
didn't go to such a school where so many people are rich.
and i never complain to my parents about it, so i just felt
like i needed to get something out.

and i'm not even gonna approach the subject of how much i'm
dreading going back to school on monday. won't even go