punkboyj

my journal
2003-01-04 15:58:21 (UTC)

woops

Anyway...
When i was little, I would pull my blankets over my
head and hope that it was enough to ward off the things
that i hoped would leave me alone while i slept. No that i
slept often. I hate sleep it's so... unproductive. You
get nothing done and there is so much you have to do before
you die. Anyway, i was afraid of a lot when i was small.
Big, strange dogs, dead people, being abducted by aliens,
afraid of seeing the silhouette of something that i could
noty identify (for some reason that really freaked me
out). I was always afraid of being possesed by a demon and
made to do stuff people would hate me for. And with the
blankets pulled over my head, i knew that they wouldn't
protect me. I just wanted to keep myself blind from all
the horror i was sure was going on within my room. Being
afraid meant there was a chance that whatever frightened
you was something that actually existed, that these fake
translucent, formless ghosts were out there, somewhere,
just waiting for you to find them some night, that DEVIL
really was watching you, wanting you, wanting to harm you.
There was a sense of comfort i got from that dread of
things supernatural. But so far, I've never actually seen
a ghost or a GOD or a DEVIL. And where i once hid from
these things, I now stay up all night thinking about them.
I know that even if i pissed my pants at the sight of them,
I would at least know that the world was full of something
more, something beyond real. And i could take comfort in
this. Many people have religion to turn to when things get
rough on them, I don't. Most people can say things just
happen for a reason and god has a plan for us all, or it
was just their time to die, I can't. And that
sucks.
taga - jamie




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