kitart

artist's mind
2003-01-04 05:46:06 (UTC)

didnt turn out so well

it started off so wonderful this evening, talked to Julie
and Wes ( I got there late but STILL before anyone else)
and as always that was great. Dear sweet friends. Love to
spend time with them.

Then Amy came over and it began...she loves confrontations,
so she begins them, it can be interesting and must be quite
something to observe. The two of us going at each other
about art and the value thereof and if it should be sold
and if so why and how and to whom and if the actual
original work of art has true value...etc etc...so we ahd a
lively debate which everyone got involved in but of course
the main focus was on Amy and me as ever....

tehn...I dont know...she had started drinking, she does,
but she does not handle it well at all...she gets
mean...and she got very very mean tonite. oh god she said
some hurtful things and I am still not understanding where
the hell it all came from...I dont know...I tried to find
out

god help me I guess i do know...its still the same thing
with her...she found out about the si some time ago, by
chance, it upset the hell out of her (she apparently si'ed
once rather dramatically and was put in the hospital and I
think was made to feel very guilty and bad about it). She
cannot endure the thought of me being weak, in pain, so she
attacks...she wants me as her 'strong friend' which I ahve
been for her for years now...but at any sign of
weakness ...thats it.

I am triggered as hell. Could only think of cutting after
I rather stormed out (i've sent an apology to Julie and
Wes...god I'm embarrassed) Got home to a message from
mom. FOr some reason called her back...and it was good.
She had some questions and we talked and she was just
honestly trying to understand things and get a sequence of
events. so I am now at least a bit less urgy...how strange
to think that.

need to go read some email my goodness, almost 1 am. I
dont need to cut tonite. I can wait. This makes 5 days.
i think i can wait.




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