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2003-01-04 04:08:55 (UTC)

So I'm really not THAT ugly?

hmmm.. wow.. after making up with a dear friend of mine at
a pizza pub, we went to the mall... I realized for the
first time that everything made sense in my life. It wasn't
everyone screwing me over, but myself.
I pondered why no one loved me or liked me as a person. I
used to stand in the crowds of people and feel and
overwhelming sea of sadness. But now, as the new year rolls
by, I realize it is ME.
I alienate myself from people. After the mall, as my friend
drove on the freeway, she hinted softly that people were
scared that I would laugh at them. I stepped back and was
appalled. ME??? Intimidating?? I'm insecure!! haha. Well, I
guess... I was just pondering whether why no one wanted to
confront me? Maybe it's because I'm so loud. Well, take it
or leave it I say. And... I began to ask her do fat people
look pretty? She said it didn't matter. And I then preceded
to as her if fat defined you as lazy? She said it only was
a stereotype. Well, I want to melt away the fat... I'm
tired of always being last choice. But it's for myself, not
for any guys... hell no. They have to except me as I am.
What's a REAL turn on if a GUY ASKS ME ON A DATE.. it's
gettin hot ;)

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