Laura's need to rant and chat
2003-01-04 02:39:19 (UTC)

Semi good news

I got my vcr working so I got to watch one of my favorite
Buffy episodes, yeah. Season finally of season 4! A
friend taped it from FX about a week ago or less... yeah.

Ok friend, friend who -- Duane, ok he may not really
be "friend" but hey, I got the tape and in reality, right
now that's all that matters.

Well, I am so fucking scared, tomorrow I meet mom and dad
and deal with the divorce, "laura's future plans" and of
course anything else they want to drop on me or vise
versa. My problem is I know what I want to do, they don't
like the idea... moving to Las Vegas in late summer or
fall, to set up residance so I go to U of Navada LV for
hotel/motel management. Part of these problems are the
great issue of moo-la or cashoola or dinero or whatever you
want to call the "MONEY ISSUE." Well, at least mom knows
about the way Amy treated me so she might not push me to
move to New Orleans and be Amy's little right hand friend,
still really hurt by Amy's actions towards me. If she only
had told me she had been hanging with my Jim or if she told
me she wanted to keep a friendship with both of us, not
this crap of.... we can't talk about your relationship or
problems with Jim. Then as stated in my last entry, Jim's
email to me.

I realized that there's some stuff in there that doesn't
make sense if you don't understand my heatlh problems... so
here I go... I have a heart condition... I have a pacemaker
and I will always have one and I have to see a Doc every
year for yearlly check ups... Someday, I may be able to not
deal with these health problems, but since I was born with
the problem, had open heart surgery at age 2, my first
pacemaker at age 7 and the second one at 24 (on Feb 4, two
years to the day, that Jim and I started dating...ugh...
happy fucking annversery) so I have to take pills
everyday, and deal with a butch of crap, including telling
airport securty that I have a pacemaker so (at least now bc
of 9-11) I can't go through a metal detector, so I get the
wand over my whole body, fun huh? So that's my problem
and why I need health insurance not that Jim even fucking
cares about that.

I am so much on getting myself on with my life. All I want
to do is move away, starting over and being free...
Hopefully, my parents will understand my want to move as
far away from this crap. NO I AM NOT RUNNING AWAY!!! I am
starting over, and finally after years of wondering what I
want to do with my life, I have an answer, I want to run a
big hotel in a place like New York, Las Vegas, L.A. etc...
you know what I mean. I want do that. I have worked in
hotels and I really love it, I finally admitted that to
myself, and where else do you go and study that... New
Orleans has a great program, but I have no want to go there
and live in the crazed world of Amy or go somewhere with a
program that includes "gaming" and casino educations... Las
Vegas is my idea... I have even gone as far as to get info
from on LV and their school programs at UNLV! I'm
working on my plan. Now I have to tell mom and dad and
pretty fucking soon, because I'm suppose to start classes
here in FL on Monday... yuck!!!!!!

Off to do something... anything... oh by the way, I bought
alcohol today, still haven't opened it... still angry, but
not drinking yet... probably a good sign.


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