2003-01-04 02:05:44 (UTC)


etimes it just makes me think about
reminiscing on all the times before the fame and $ and all the
bullshit when i would be down to my last $5 or whatever but
still spend it on my friends and its not like im saying this to be like u
owe me something cuz u dont ..honestly i was just overwhelmed
by emotion that brought me to tears again for like the 5th time
today alone..i guess u just take those things for granted..always
thinking your friends are going to be there and i would always be
right so fucking sorry..i know that one day i didnt come
back it must have hurt..i dont even know what to say except theres
not one fucking day that passes that i dont think about that and
how i tried to block u out of my life ..i tried to forget about u..i hated
u because u had/have the ability to make me cry ..cry for
days..screaming at the top of my lungs for another chance ..hating
every bitch that even tries to take my place .not to mention
knocking the bitches straight the fuck out if i ever find out u fucked
them..u first of course..afther i get through the anger ..i want to talk
to u ..hope that we could be like we were if thats ever possible makes me cry to think of your innocence of character ..our
innocence in love and how this cruel fucked up world fuckted that
up..its not your fault nor is it mine but sometimes i get so fucking mad because
i feel like theres so much between us now..miles.,,,time,,etc
and maybe now im not as great in your eyes maybe now im jsut a bitch that u
feel obligated to be friends with and now have this major desire to get back at
by revenge ie fucking everyone u can and making sure i know about it..dont u
think that hurts dont u think im suffering u think im acting..fuck u if
u think so..just dont be with me cuz u have to ..dont ever settle for less and ill
never be treated as the one u settled for..i care about u..yeah whatever..u
know u didnt miss much and i sure as hell have never laughed at the shit uve
been thru just with u well sometimes..u always make me laugh..
im still waiting as i realize im not suffering and doing this for myself only for
others that depend on me not to give up which i cant let myself no matter how
much i want to sometimes..i hope i can make it through these hard times of
solitude with only hopes of a bright future to guide me..