Arielle

Perko23
2003-01-03 23:06:25 (UTC)

lost (deep wrighting)

i feel lost. no, to be lost is to not know where one is-
and i am all to sure. I am alone. My heart, my love, has
been torn form me and i am consumed by the pain of that
loss.

Yet i feel that 'he' around me as keenly as before. Maybe
more so. For i see 'his' absence in all the evidences of
the home that I've left behind.

i am a fool. what selfishness so blinded my heart to see
the consequences in the end.

My fingers ranmble with more foolishness as i type the
quaint feelings from my heart. I mourn what i am missing
and the pain that pierces my hear- and not 'his'. This is
the paradox tha keeps 'him' from my reach- for to go
after 'him', for my heartsake would be unworthy. Could it
be that to truly love a thing is not to desire it, but to
desire happiness for it? If so, i cannot have 'him' back,
to relieve my heart at the expence of 'his'. If i truely
love 'him'

And i do love 'him'.More than perhaps my own life do i love
him.

I can only hope the I might return to my childhood and
speak the forgotten words that were never said. Yet hope is
oftentimes the crulest of virtues.

How did i come to such a dark place? I don't know where my
road now leads but i fear the shadowlands that lie ahead.
But it is not the darkness of the path i fear. Just the
loneliness of the trail.........




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