Crazy in Blue

Singing In the Rain or A downpouring
2003-01-03 10:19:53 (UTC)

All I Have . . .

I GIVE TO GOD. THIS NEW YEAR HAS BROUGHT A NEW OUTLOOK ON
LIFE. I'M SEEING MYSELF AS A NEW CRETURE, MADE NEW IN
CHRIST, AND A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF MYSELF. MY WHOLE
LIFE HAS BEEN CHANGED, OR RATHER AFFIRMED. GOD HAS SHOWED
ME OVER THIS BREAK THAT I AM A WORTHWHILE PERSON, AND THAT
I HAVE THE QUALITIES THAT WILL HELP ME TO SURVIVE IN THIS
WORLD, AND ANY OTHER ONE FOR THAT MATTER.

THE BIGGEST THING TO HAPPENT O ME WAS IMPACT 2002. TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING THAT I NEEDED TO BE INVOLVED IN. IT WAS SO
BEAUTIFUL. TO FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO SHARE MY LOVE FOR
CHRIST WITH PEOPLE THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW, AND TO SEE THEM
DOING THE SAME THING. IT HELPED ME A SERIOUSLY GROW IN MY
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. I WOULDN'T REALLY CALL MYSELF
JESUSFIED, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW, I MIGHT BE. I JUST KNOW
THAT I AM A GREAT PERSON THROUGH CHRIST AND THAT ALL THE
GLORY GOES TO HIM, AND NOT MYSELF. TO BE ABLE TO HUMBLE
MYSELF BEFORE THE LORD, AND TRULY SAY THAT I NEED HIS HELP
IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO, BUT THAT
HUMBLING, IN PUBLIC, ALLOWED ME TO ERASE MY SLATE, AND
START OVER AS A CHILD OF CHRIST.

THE PEOPLE THAT I ENCOUNTED AT IMPACT, WERE ALSO A
BLESSING. TALKING TO THEM, AND JUST BEING IN THE PRESENCE
OF CERTAIN PEOPLE, WAS AMAZING. TO SEE WHERE OTHER PEOPLES
MINDS ARE, AND HOW THEIR MINDS MESH WITH THEIR LIVES ARE TO
ME WAS AMAZING. I WAS FORCED TO SEE MYSELF AS OTHERS DO,
AND WAS PLEASENTLY SURPRISED AT THE RESULT. I AM COOL
PEOPLES, AND SOMETIMES IT TAKES STRANGERS TO SHOW YOU THAT.

THE ONE PERSON THAT I MET WHO I HOPE, GOD WILLING FOR REAL,
IS GOING TO BE A PART OF MY LIFE IS ADRIAN. SUCH A STRONG
MAN, WITH HIS HEAD ON HIS SHOULDERS. HE IS REALLY ABOUT
SOMETHING, AND THAT AMBITION IS SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO
SEE IN MEN, TO REMIND ME NOT TO SETTLE FOR A ROMMEL, OR A
JUSTIN. THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD BLACK MEN OUT THERE, AND
THE LORD INTRODUCED ME TO ONE THIS WEEK. ADRIAN IS WHAT I
NEED FOR MYSELF, SOMEONE WHO INSPIRES ME TO DO GREAT
THINGS, NOT JUST FOR MYSELF BUT ALSO FOR OTHERS. I REALLY
DO HOPE THAT GOD ALLOWS FOR US TO BECOME GREAT FRIENDS.
FOR ONCE, I DON'T WANT IT TO DEVELOP INTO ANYTHING ELSE.
RIGHT NOW, I AM TOO CLOSE TO GETTING MYSELF TOGEHTER, TO
CHANGE ANYTHING WITH ADRIAN. I NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT I AM
RIGHT WITH GOD, BEFORE I TRY TO GET WITH ANYONE. NOT THAT
ADRIAN IS EVEN FEELING ME. WE HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT IT, AND
I AM NOT SURE IF WE ARE GOING TO. BUT THE END RESULT IS AT
LEAST A MODEL TO LOOK AT, TO SEE WHAT I CAN HAVE, IF I TAKE
MYSELF TO THE RIGHT PLACES.

UNTIL I AM INSPIRED TO WRITE AGIAN,

HAPPY IN BLUE!