TearStainedHeart

TearStainedHeart
2003-01-02 12:26:18 (UTC)

Tears & Fears Break After Years

Good afternoon! I only woke up at 11am so it was pretty
late and it's gonna be another one of those rubbish days;
but I might ring Terri up in a bit and ask if she wants to
hang out with me.

Oh yeah I have news from last night alright!! Ben got asked
by a girl he liked yesterday and he said yes; he said he's
really sorry to me but I said it was ok and I was actually
very happy because earlier on I'd seen a couple of photos
of him and I think if I'd met him in person I would have
puked on him. Ewww he made me feel sick just looking at him
nevermind imagining the things he wanted me to do!!

So yeah that was that; and Leah don't wanna meet Ben or
Matt either now so we're both ok with not meeting up with
them EVER.

Kieran seemed to be really subdued last night, I dunno what
was wrong with him though; I did save the conversation but
I've just deleted every single saved conversation off my
computer and decided not to save anymore. Just in case!
Anyway Kieran seemed to think I didn't love him right; he
kept saying 'you seem to think I'm some really cute and
nice guy but I int' and so I was saying 'Kieran I love for
who you are inside; not the way you look'. He didn't seem
satisfied but I honestly didn't know how to reassure him.
He said there wasn't anything wrong but I strongly feel
that there is; I feel that maybe he regrets asking me out.
I'm gonna ask him next time we talk if he wants to break up
with me. I hope he doesn't; but if he does I'm just gonna
have to accept it I guess. It's better now than it would be
after a few weeks because we'd be more attached. I think
maybe Kieran's having a hard time from his family after
dumping Emma; and he was going out with her for 3 years so
I dunno maybe I should have told him to stay with her. But
I do really love Kieran; more than words can say; nobody
has ever made me feel the way Kieran does; it's like a new
reality.

Anyway that's all about Kieran; I'm just gonna have to wait
and see what happens. I hope I don't have to break one of
my top new year's resolutions for it though because I love
Kieran for life.

I also found out that Ben and Kieran had a conversation
with Leah all as a three, and Ben said that Kieran said he
was my cousin after Ben said he loved me or Kieran said he
loved me not sure. That was 3 days ago; I'm not sure if Ben
made that up though cos Kieran just said 'huh?' and I
haven't asked Leah. I thought maybe that's what's on
Kieran's mind. I dunno. I hope Kieran's ok I'd never do
anything to hurt him cos I love him too much.

Right nows:

Mood: Worried about Kieran
Music: Muse - Plug In Baby
Thinking: I love this song!! *I love Kieran*
Wishing: Kieran would tell me what's wrong
Anticipating: Going back to school on Tuesday for some
strange reason!

Anyways yeah I've decided to write at least one song or
poem per day everyday for the whole year 2003. That way I
know I'll have done over a hundred; I'll have done 365 but
they probably won't ALL be songs; there'll be some poems
aswell. I'm really looking forward to having written out
all my songs into a book because then I can show people and
say 'look, this is how many songs I've written so far'. Ya
know what I mean? It would just be so cool!

Anyway I'm gonna go now so catch ya later probably.

Love Hannah xXxXxXxXx

~~Kieran is my no.1~~




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