*forever and ever purple, man!*
oh shit, life is fucked up.
christ, what a way to begin. but then i can't even try to
explain how i feel right now, so maybe it's justified. i
mean, this is just a diary. it isn't asking for any
explanations, or normalities. it's just a fucking diary,
right? anything can happen.
and life isn't pretty right now.
i don't know why my parents are divorcing, or why my circle
of friends is deteriorating, or why my future seems so
terribly uncertain. i mean, yeah, i know why all of those
are. i could even tell you. my parents are divorcing
because my father is a screwed-up 2-timing fucking fascist
bastard. my circle of friends is deteriorating because
we're all growing up, you know, changing, moving on. my
future seems so terribly uncertain because, frankly, it is.
see? i know it all. all of it is there, in me. but why it's
happening, as in *why*? i'll be fucked if i know.
and then there's my mixed-up, messed-about, dysfunctionally
normal family. what's left of it anyway.
my mother: hides a broken heart behind a smile. tries to
justify her dead-end life and recently-ended 15-year
marraige with,she has done her bit for the population with
5 kids, but will never forget that her precious little girl
maud was stillborn and would have been a saviour-angel-
child had she lived. and will always deny that she has
certain favourites (see louis/imogen). does not even notice
when she calls precious little imogen 'princess' in front
of off-the-rails wild uncontrollable harri(et). i can't
even remember the last time anyone called me a princess. i
dunno, maybe they never did.
my older brother george:kinda typical 15-year-old boy. will
always deny that he has ever masturbated/looked at
porn/looked at girls/made any kind of contact with
girls/watched *late nite telly*/anything typical and 15-
my younger sister imogen:unusually and chronically bitchy
11-year-old. kids herself that private school will save
her. likes to put on weight and be mean. has strange bouts
my younger brother louis:extremely molly-coddled 6-year-old
boy, pretty normal, taste in music includes crazytown,
blink 182 and wheatus.
my younger brother henry:also favoured. kind of sits around
so there you go.
i suppose you're wondering why i sound like such a loser.
probably because i am one. i'm very good at hiding it
though. i can be anyone you want me to be. the person you
see is most probably an image, or a front. coz no one would
want to know the real me. well, maybe someone. elizabeth.
ah yes, elizabeth. i was just going to tell you about her.
she's the most crazy, strange, unusual, interesting,
utterly unimaginable person that i've ever met, and
probably that i ever will. i think she lies to herself
sometimes, but not usually to other people. she knows her
bible but wears a skeleton pendant, she can keep a secret
but not usually confide one, she can listen to heavy metal
but still appreciate mozart. basically she's what you'd
call complex, and maybe a few other things, but only if you
weren't sure of her. she's the best damn friend i'll ever
have, she's the surrogate sister i'll never have, she's the
end of the rainbow and the light of the sun. shit. i guess
that means she's pretty cool, huh? i wonder if that's what
all future rock duos think of each other.
god! i sound like a total LESBIAN! well, i'm not. i've
liked boys since the age of about 8. if anyone (that means
you too, elizabeth) is reading this, i'm sorry! don't think
of me as a lesbian or anything. i just felt like saying
some nice shit about my best pal who i care about.
there are others who i'll tell you about, but that's
another story. i feel a little better now and i might even
go and eat icecream.
love, kisses, hugs a-plenty,