Caroline

The Life and Times of Caroline
2003-01-02 03:46:31 (UTC)

Packing up

I went home this evening to pack my room up. It took me
three hours to do. In those three hours I discovered that
I am the biggest pack rat and now I am paying for it. Or
was when I was packing all my things. I am so tired right
now. I have had a lot of sleep in the past few days, but I
am so worn out from everything I have done today. I really
haven't sat down, and it's taking it's toll on me. I had
to throw away 6 bags of my things because I will have no
place to put them. It was sad, but they are only things.
That's really hard to say, but it's true and they can be
replaced. I am scared about tomorrow. I am taking three
of my friends over to take my big furniture, but I am
scared that my dad will go postal on us all. All three of
the guys I am taking are 6 foot or more and they all work
out, so maybe my little short overweight dad will be
intiminated. It's my stuff anyway, so he really can't stop
me from taking it. My dad will not give me the title to my
car. The car is in my name, I paid for it and he will not
give me the title. He put the title in the safe, about 4
years ago I memorized the combination. I took the keys
while I was at home. I'm gonna go get it this week while
they are gone and hide it at a friends house till I get my
permit and license. The title is like one more little
thing my dad can hold over my head. I know he is trying to
make me call the police. He knows how to push my buttons,
and that makes me want to yell at him and beat him up. I
have so many good friends right now. A lot of them called
me while I was packing my stuff up. Even though I have a
lot of friends I feel so alone. It's because I almost
don't have a family anymore. I was thinking how sad it
will be when I come home from college and won't even get to
spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. I am so
alone and then I am not. I just want this all to be over
as soon as possible. It's really starting to wear me
thin. I just want to be free from my dads grip. It's so
close, but then at the same time it's so far away. I went outside
tonight just to look at the stars and it was so calming. I don't
know what it is about stars, but just sitting and seeing them soothe
me. It's like I know God is out there and he is just beyond the
stars and He watches me and He has a plan...I can't put it into
words, but it's just soothing.




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