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2003-01-01 17:05:17 (UTC)


Ok.. hmm anyway, wow. this year has come to a windwhirl of
emotions. I have realized who my friends are.. true friends
are rare.. and I have 3 true friends. It seems so
unbelieveable that I can chose out of like 15 ppl, but it
is so easy. I love you all. Even people I loathe, I love
you too ;) Anyway regarding the anonomity of myself, it is
so obvious to tell who I am (if you are close to me) if you
are reading this, which I doubt because most my friends
SUCK at computers!!!!!!! please e-mail me. I'd like to
know. Anyway... my resolutions are working. hhehehe for the
first time in my life I can say I truly have strength when
I was weak. Weak, mentally and physically. I give my heart
out to all of you that have been wishing deeply for
something, keep searching... you'll find it.

Umm.. hmm also I finally like someone for who they are. It
took 17 yrs. As much as ppl can say "oh I like him for who
he is" it really is true, you can. You have to delve deeper
into the true person. You know "love at first sight" that
is really kinda a half truth.

Maybe a few months ago, one of my friends sent me this
chain letter about a guy that had a best friend that was a
girl and he was simply mesmerized by her looks and
everything. He wrote in his journal that he loved her but
couldn't tell her. And at her funeral, the pastor read her
diary and it said "I loved him, but I couldn't tell him". I
was shocked with dismay. I felt a shiver come thru me.

Anyway, back to the damn guy ;)..... He is just so perfect
for me. Wow. I thought for a while I was incapable of
liking someone because I was indifferent. I felt all guys
were the same, just looks-- cuz I will admit it, I am not
one of those attractive girls in supermodel magazines. A) I
don't have the appearance B) I don't have that walking
techinque hehe C) I am not that tall and I am not that

Well.. after talking to him on AIM and in person, I felt he
is just a really nice guy. But after studying... I really
liked him... I still do. Do you think I'm setting myself up
for rejection or that chain letter? No I'm not.. I also
have a huge dilemna... two of my close friends ... one of
which he was mesmerized by for 3 years and the other which
they kinda called it off. I have to wait. Also, I say I
like him a lot-- but I really have to investigate further.
My best friend is convinced I do. I'm waiting to see if my
feelings aren't infatuation, and they are there. You can
have mental infatuation, since he is so intelligent.
Anyway. My hand is tired, and I love you all.