My Heart and Soul....
A New Year...
Wow! I cannot believe that another year is gone. I know
everyone says that, but for real. It seems like that last
year just flew by. It's sad, but also happy, cause now I can
start all over again, and work to make things better.
I didn't keep my resolution last year. I'm a little upset
about that....especially since the huge part of it was to
work to strengthening my relationship with God. I know I
haven't done that. If anything, I lost sight of him for a
while. But, I'm getting back on track, and hopefully I will
be able to do better next year. But thats not my resolution.
I have a couple stupid ones....lose weight, and quit
smoking....which putting those together could prove
challenging....but the more important one.....is really
gonna be tough for me.
I have decided to avoid meaningless relationships, one night
stand type things. Not like I'm a hoe....but I have
definately not been any kind of committed. To anyone. I've
had a few flings...some of them I cared about in a
way....but compared to last year, when I had two 4-5 month
relationships with guys that I really cared about. I really
need to either settle down and be with one guy, or not be
with anyone, because I know that emotionally I cannot handle
the feelings involved with being with people that I don't
love. It's just not easy, and I don't like it. So....this
year, I am going to get it together, hopefully get involved
with someone seriously, and if not, then I am going to work
toward loving myself more, so that when I do meet someone, I
am able to let him love me completly. Sounds kinda
froo-frooey doesn't it? Oh well....it's the truth...yup it
Christmas was icky. I don't like the holiday. I hate how
it's so commercialized. It drives me crazy. Everything is
about presents and stupid shit like that. My own damn family
refused to get together for my last Christmas home...because
of some stupid fight, that no one really knows what it's
about. BUT....my Aunt Linda did say that if I can't get home
next year, that she's gonna get everyone together and have
them buy my mom and sister tickets to come out to spend the
holiday with me!!! :-D That would be pretty awesome!
ohhh...what else? Friends....actually everything is going
pretty good! Danni and I have been chilling a lot, which is
fun, because she cracks me up, and we always have a great
time. Ams is home...you all know I'm happy about that, cause
I love her to death, and I miss her more than words. Sara is
still grounded, but I talk to her all the time....and
Gabs...**HOT LOVA** LMAO..inside joke. Nevermind. My boys
are my boys, I love them all to pieces, even when I am
kicking them out of my house...
My love life....is non existent. I told char I was gonna
become a nun. I'd have a better sex life than I do now.
LOL...(im only kidding about that)But really....there is no
news on that front. I guess no news is good news most of the
time....but I'm just lonely....as always. I've been thinking
about David all the time, just because of the time of
year...last year we spent this whole time together, and for
the first time in my life, I love Christmas, then this year
it was back to being crappy, cause I'm missing him so much.
Ha...then I also found out, Mr.Barrymore is engaged. Yay
him. Actually, I'm happy for them. I was wrong. I need to
say that. Obviously they are happy together, and all I can
do as a Christian is be happy for them, and pray that they
have a happy life together. I really expected myself to be
more upset when the time actually came for them to get
engaged, but really...I wasn't. I'm proud of myself. I told
Kris....it is Gods way of showing me that it is ok to move
on, because I can be strong about it. I'm happy about that.
I needed that reassurance.
Cheerleading is going great. Stressful at times, just
because the coaching technique is so drastically different
from what I am used to. But, most of the time its fun, and I
like the people on my team.
Wow...ok...long enough? LOL...I have to go finish up
cleaning my room, and then start getting ready for New Years
Happy New Year to ALL of my friends...and anyone reading
this! I love you all! Just keep telling yourself: These are
the best years of our lives!!!!!!!!!!!