Sullen Girl

A Bird Upon the Wind
2001-09-05 01:07:10 (UTC)

I am sick...*sniff*=(

Thats right! As if the ailment of depression wasnt sucking
enough energy from my body, I had to go and get sick! Like
getting up at 6am isnt hard enough, I had to go an get sick!
And I know exactly whogot me sick, my friend Kristin,
because she was sick last week. As if I have tme to go to
the doctors. I am so sick of the same old god damn shit. I
am sick of getting sick. In high school, I didnt even know
how to PRETEND to be sick to stay home from school because
I never got sick so I didnt know how to act. Can you
believe that? Since I went to college I am like the queen
of sickness. Anyhow, I am sure nobody really cares, but I
do because my friggin nose itches like a mother, and its
really annoying to sneeze eighty times a day.

I would also like to complain about the fact that today a
few rooms in our house were painted, and my fat bitch of a
step-mom hasnt opened a damn room in the entire house. Now
correct me if I am wrong, but there are chemicals in paint
that kill your brain cells, and I can think of a few better
ways to kill brain cells than to sit in a house that wreaks
of paint. If my dad was here he would have opened all the
windows and doors, but obviously my stepmom is an idiot and
cant figure that out, ad my dads on a business trip. And if
I open a window or something she will bitch about the air
conditioning, I know it. So I have been hiding in the
basement to get away from it. I dont know how she and my
sister can stand it!

So Keith has not written me back or called me yet today,
but he could be at his alcohol abuse classes. Thats right
he has to go to alcohol abuse classes because he got a DUI
back in December and he had his license suspended. That was
another major stress factor in our relationship because he
could never drive to come see me an hour away, and he cant
drive to Virgnia to come see me now, but yet he wants to
stay together so what? I can drive all over the god damn
southern east coast to visit his ass. No thanks.

As you can see I am bitter about alot of things in my life.
If I made a list it would be of ridiculous lengths. Most of
it has to do with my parents divorce and the aftermath of
all that, but ofcourse many things stem from that. See, my
life was not perfect before I met Keith. And I always told
him that if we were going to make it I was going to have to
get some counseling because I have severe issues in trust
and opening up, an not being a sarcastic cynical bitch
about everything. And Keith helped me deal with alot of
that. He taught me a wealth about relationships, but still
not enough to replace some good old fashioned head
shrinking.

I don even have time to get into my parents divorce right
now, that would take days, but I will tell you is
everything I know was never told to me by anyone. I have
been doing major detective work since I was a nosey little
teenager and what I have managed to find out nobody knows I
know, except my only full brother, ofcourse I had to pass
my knowledge onto him, afterall they are his parents too.
So heres the basic idea: my parents split when I was like
2, my bro was 1. My dad left my mom b/c he was cheating on
her with my now step-mom. So basically my parents have been
divorced before I can even remember them being together,
but I sure remember them being apart. And the kicker is(I
was reading my moms diary to find all this out, bad I know,
but how else would I ever know the truth, a kid wants o
know why her parents hate each other) my dad left my mom
and brother and me on Christmas Eve to go be with fat bitch
(thats whatI have called my step mom ever since I found
this out, I think that was a qoute from my moms diary). So
you see theres alot of resentment between me and my family
members. My mom hates my dad. She never told me why, but I
knew it was because he left her with two youn children, and
no money, then sued her for full custody and won. And its
confusing to me because I know my dad hurt my mom, but he
has still been the strongest pillar in my life. I mean he
raised me, coached my softball and basketball teams, drove
me to school in the mornings, tucked me in at night, dealt
with al of my teen angst(and there was plenty), he's bought
me all my cars that I have driven into the ground, paid for
my education, I mean there really is not much more my
father could have done for me, hes done it all. And my mom,
oh jesus, my mom is a bitter old bitch that is mad at the
world. My mom and I do nt get along AT ALL, but I still
love her and have to go see her. Spending a week with her
is pure insanity to me. You would have to meet her to know.
The only coo thing about my mom is that she has a VW Camper
and likes to go camping, but besides that we have nothing,
I repeat NOTHING in common. You see, I am like my dad, and
she and hm got divorced, but I am permanently with her now
and forever and it sucks. If I had the chance to go to a
museum of moms and pick a new on out, I totally would. I
have better relationships with my friends moms. Isnt that
sad? I think it is, but thats my life. I didnt choose it,
as they say, it chose me.

Well this is getting quite long, so I hope you all have a
great night.

PS...I just got on the phone with Keith and he DID get my
email, and he just didnt fucking write me back. I think
that makes me mad. Bye!