humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2002-12-31 07:28:45 (UTC)

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Ridalinkid2: what up
Jewels121085: not to much, u?
Ridalinkid2: same same
Jewels121085: so how was ur night?
Ridalinkid2: ehh, just chilled at home
Ridalinkid2: U?
Jewels121085: yeah me and amber and meg just chilled here
and watched save the last dance
Ridalinkid2: cool
Ridalinkid2: did u talk to niki yet?
Jewels121085: nope
Ridalinkid2: awww :'(
Jewels121085: i know, so sad, i miss her
Ridalinkid2: i know
Jewels121085: its ok i'll see her tomorrow
Jewels121085: so hows life
Ridalinkid2: tru tru
Ridalinkid2: could b better
Jewels121085: y is that? the whole rib thing?
Ridalinkid2: that and a few other things
Ridalinkid2: no big deal
Jewels121085: ...like? you dont have to tell me but u
can...
Ridalinkid2: nothin i can really change i dont think, so
i try not to let it bother me
Ridalinkid2: if that makes ne sence
Jewels121085: it makes sense, but it would make more
sense if i knew what it was
Ridalinkid2: my job, the rib thing, my mom, dad, and
girls
Ridalinkid2: is that enough?
Jewels121085: what could be wrong with ur job? parents
always suck and what could be ur prob with girls?... maybe
i can help, i'll at least try
Jewels121085: ( once again, you dont have to tell
me...i'm just saying , if u wanna talk, i'll listen)
Ridalinkid2: i dont make enough on workmans comp., my dad
doesnt do ne thing for ne one but himself, he's lied to me
my whole life, and girls just suck
Jewels121085: HEY, i know we suck, but we're not that
bad! i dont know much bout ur dad so i cant rteally say
mucha nd i dont know what workmans comp is so i cant help
ya there
Ridalinkid2: ha ha, always SO helpful aren't we!
Ridalinkid2: not all girls r bad just most of them, it's
very hard to find someone that u really click with
Jewels121085: yeah no shit, tell me about it
Ridalinkid2: ha ha, i hear ya
Jewels121085: i'm sorry imnot much help, but im trying, i
can only help ya in the girl department
Ridalinkid2: tru tru
Ridalinkid2: its the thought that counts
Jewels121085: i try
Ridalinkid2: i know
Ridalinkid2: y do girls get SO jelous a lot???
Jewels121085: becuz we're extremely territorial but wont
ever admit it
Ridalinkid2: some guys r the same way
Ridalinkid2: but girls r just bitches some times, and a
few r just str8 up psycho!
Ridalinkid2: like for no reason
Jewels121085: yeah i know, girls are bitches, thats why
most of my friends are guys
Ridalinkid2: hell ya
Ridalinkid2: maybe i just have bad luck with girls?!?
Jewels121085: we just dont like loosing what we have,
especially if its to another girl and we're always scared
thats gonna happen..... maybe, or maybe u just need to find
the right one
Ridalinkid2: idk, the last girl i dated, TOTAL lunatic, i
couldnt talk to another girl w/o her freakin out, the 2
girls i went on dates with after you were just not for me,
they annoyed the hell out of me
Ridalinkid2: to prissy and whiny
Jewels121085: well ya wanna know something... i havent
had a bf since u, so dont worry bout it, u just gotta find
someone who understands what u want and what u need
Ridalinkid2: tell me about it
Ridalinkid2: i cant find a girl that can just chill and
have fun, and relate to ne thing that i can
Jewels121085: dont worry about it, u'll find ur perfect
girl, ur only 18, u got alot of time
Ridalinkid2: oh i know, but it would b nice to have
someone to brighten up my hell of a life, u know
Jewels121085: yeah i know, it sux when u need someone to
be there like that, like in a relationship, and u cant find
anyone, i know how that goes
Ridalinkid2: i've looked all summer and all fall, not one
that even came close to what i'm lookin for
Ridalinkid2: i just thought i'd find someone by now,
don't u think
Ridalinkid2: maybe i'm just supposed to go through all
this shit alone i guess
Jewels121085: no body deserves to go thru anything
alone, ever, u have no idea how much i wanted someone over
the summer when all the shit was happening with my dad, and
it woulda been easier if i had someone, and i wish i had
someone now too but i dont, but no one should have to go
thru anything alone, but if it happens, the only thing u
can do is deal
Jewels121085: but just cuz u havent found someone doesnt
mean anything, maybe ur just not looking in the right
places, or maybe she's right in front of ur face, or maybe
she's half way across the world, maybe u just need someone
to find u instead of u finding them, if that makes sense
Jewels121085: sorry im talking alot and its prolly just a
bunch of rambling
Ridalinkid2: i've been dealing my hole life, never really
had ne one there who understood
Jewels121085: then maybe instead of looking for someone
to understand, look for someone to just be there, ya know
Jewels121085: dont pass someone up becuz they cant
understand cuz it doesnt mean they dont care
Ridalinkid2: i didnt mean that they dont understand, idk,
they just want to go out with me and their friends all the
time, like i said they didnt know how to just chill and
talk
Jewels121085: i have 2 things to say
Ridalinkid2: shoot
Jewels121085: 1) the majority of the time we were
together, it was just me and u and 2) i've wanted to
say this since we started haning out again but i couldnt
really find a good time - i'm sorry for all the shit i put
u thru and i cant even believe u put up with me for as long
as u did, i prolly would have killed me if i was u
Jewels121085: but u'll find someone... promise
Ridalinkid2: compared to the other girls i dated recently
ur a queen, first u didnt put me through ne thing, i
wouldnt have stayed around if i didnt want to
Jewels121085: but u didnt deserve any of what i did
Ridalinkid2: i'm just sorry that we lost touch, i wanted
to call but was just to hurt or scared that u never wanted
to see me again, so i just never called
Ridalinkid2: things happen and people make mistakes, i
made a mistake and i'm still paying for it so dont feel so
bad
Ridalinkid2: i'm just sorry too
Jewels121085: ? and what was ur mistake
Ridalinkid2: u want me to JUST pick one, but there r SO
many
Jewels121085: well name some major ones
Ridalinkid2: unfortunetly u have to b more specific
Ridalinkid2: i've made way to many mistakes so far in my
life
Ridalinkid2: not to say other people doesn't
Ridalinkid2: *don't
Jewels121085: ok how bout this... do u regret all the
mistakes you made or do u consider some of them learning
experiences?
Ridalinkid2: people make choices that they kick
themselves for everyday i guess
Ridalinkid2: i guess u could look at it that way
Jewels121085: i figure only the ones i really regret
count as mistakes
Ridalinkid2: some of them i still wish i could take back,
but only a few would possibly change
Ridalinkid2: tru tru
Jewels121085: just dont kick ur own ass about shit u did
in the past, cuz u already did it and its done and theres
nothin u can do bout it except make sure u dont do it again
Ridalinkid2: u dont know how tru that is, but there is
still those what ifs
Jewels121085: oh those what if's are a pain in the ass
Jewels121085: i hate them
Ridalinkid2: no shit
Ridalinkid2: they are SO annoying
Jewels121085: oh yeah and thers alwasy a TON of them
Ridalinkid2: tru tru, but only a hand full i really dwell
on
Jewels121085: a hand full is stilll to many
Ridalinkid2: yup
Jewels121085: but hey, everything happens for a reason
right?
Ridalinkid2: you would hope so right, but then sometimes
i wonder
Jewels121085: never know, u just kinda gota go with it
Ridalinkid2: ehh, but there is always that doubt in my
mind
Jewels121085: is it worht it to u tho? all the stupid
shit that happens in life, is it worth all the good times?
Ridalinkid2: idk, i haven't truthfully been able to
answer that one, i've tried but i still get nothin
Jewels121085: i think it is, someitmes i question it, but
for the most part, its worth it to me
Ridalinkid2: thats good
Ridalinkid2: i wish i could honestly say the same
Jewels121085: but i kinda figure, as long as u got
somebody, anybody to love, life is worth it


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