humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2002-12-31 06:13:18 (UTC)

find ur way back

so yeah, the time between when he calls me gets shorter
and shorter, i've talked to him everyda for the past three
days, i feel like i am losing control, i mean there r so
many times when i want to totally just like be chilling
with him, just us, in his house, in his basement, watching
a movie the way we use to and be with him and feel his
arms around me, his kiss. i'm never gonna get any of that,
i mean for god sake, the thing is, i mean i think he does
want to start something again, i mean he wouldnt be calling
and wanting to hang out so much otherwise but we're never
alone in a situation where anything could advance to a
level of more then friendship, i want to put us in that
situation and see if anything happens and if it does theni
was right all along and if it doesnt, then whatev, but i
want it, i want the oppurtunity, i want to know what the
hell the point is behind all of this and why its happening
if there even is a reason. it just doesnt make sense to me,
none of it, i mean the truth of the matter is, he put up
with alot of shit from me, i was in complete denial and i
was the victim as far as i was concerned the first time
around, but he isnt the one that screwed aorund, i was . he
wasnt the one that went to a club and found some random
person and made out with them, he was the one who forgave
ME when I did that to HIM. he didnt want to hurt me in the
first place, i think he was just scared, he stuck around
after i did that to him, and then i did it AGAIN, i dont
blame him for hating me, god i was looking at the whole
thing from my side and thats it, but the truth of the
matter is, i prolly woulda done the same thing. we keep
finding ou way back to eachother and i wonder if its cuz
we're sposet to be together, maybe not forever but maybe we
r just spose to play like these important roles in
eachothers lives and maybe ya know, itll happen this time,
but i want the CHANCE, i'll find a way to get it too, i
dont care how, but i will, and holy shit he has aol, he got
my sn, im tlakingto him, PERFECT, gotta go , peace out,
i'll write later
julz


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