Midnight

Winter is here, with its..

Winter is here, with its inevitable chill, freezing
flesh and soul alike. The world darkens within and
without. As the kettle reaches orgasm on the back burner,
I pull a fragrant paper bag of herbs from the box. The
water comes, seething and alive, to make the dead leaves
bleed their essence. Yes, the miracle of modern tea. To
sip it brings little pleasure in these moods. Not even the
flames of a hell could dispell this ice. In my mind, the
skies are a brooding gray, overcast with moody clouds the
colour of shadows softened. I didn't leave my house until
after dark, with my mate, but the living sun invaded my dim
haven through all the miniscule gaps in the blinds,
perforating poetic shade.
I called my mate to choose the time and place for our
meeting this eve. Peeling the translucent white gown from
my pale skin, I began to study myself in the full-length
mirror nearby, gaunt belly, graceful arms sheathed in
silk. I observed for the first time in months the long,
slender neck and small, round breasts that are so often
mindlessly adorned by soft fabrics and jewelry... I simply
don't pay any attention to this body, when the afternoon
comes and the struggle for time forces its way into my
routine.
I am numb to the warm water spilling over my skin like
blood. Bottles of scentless products line the shower
stall, blending in my blurry percetions with the neutral
tile. A comfortable shade of gray has stolen over
everything like a fine sheet of dust. I slide a little
deeper into my protective sadness, as easily as stepping
into a worn pair of shoes. It softens the blow of life,
rounding off the razor edges of sunlitght and crushing
mundania. Through it I see and contemplate.
The makeup felt silky against my mosturizer-smoothed
skin. Concealer, foundation, powder, eyeshadow, 3 black
liners, lipstick... I applied these with a care undue the
plans I'd made. Silver and steel jewelry graced my neck,
wrists, and ears. My new poison ring embraced my slender
finger. I draped my small body in velvet and laced up my
patent stilleto boots. Long, acrylic nails shone in the
candlelight. I just want to be beautiful, knowing it's
consequences. It is both boon and burden, blessing and
curse, as they say.
I truly desire a bubble bath, replete with candles and
incence... However, there is only a shower stall. I must
wait to go to my grandmother's for such a luxury.
I am doing well enough, when one considers
everything... My love, you need not worry. I have spoken
here all that was on my mind. There are no mysteries, I
only speak better in writing.