My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-12-31 03:58:05 (UTC)

PMS, craziness, and lots of tears

what is wrong with me..i mean really are all girls as nuts
as i am when i have pms?...i can always tell when it is
exactly one week before my period because i burst into
tears about things that havent happened but could happen
or about things that will never happen but would be really
sad if they did
i think josh kinda caught the bad end of the deal today,
it was so sad...i was thinking that i would love to see
him for my birthday, in fact thats all i want for my
birthday is for him to come up to school and spend the
night with me...but then i thought ok what if we make
plans and then he backs out...what if i end up alone on my
birthday bc he decides he doesnt want to come and see me
or it is too much work or its a long drive or he just
doesnt want i burst into tears.
well i was getting tired of waiting bc he was suppose to
call me the night before and didnt, he said something jsut
came up and he went to the movies with a friend, so no i just called him today just after the tear fest
to see if he was coming to see me while the folks were out
of town...
well first off i had to fight back tears when he told me
that he didnt get in until two bc he went to the movies
with a firned, i thought how horrible he would choose that
over me and making plans...silly i know..but then he
randomly said i have to work everyday until sunday, so i
was like that answers my question then, and teared up once
again...i said i guess i dont get to see you this
week?...and he was like no unless you want to have some
italian food, he works at the italian oven, so i got
really quiet...i was so upset
i had plans, i wanted to make him a big dinner and
homemade desert and everything and just make it really
romantic and nice for him, but that wont be
i was just a lil upset, and he kept going with the
conversation like nothing was wrong...
i was pissed, i wanted him to be upset that he couldnt see
him, i wanted him to want to see that so wrong?
he is suppose to call him when he gets off work if nothing
comes up, but i dont think it wil happen, it usually
doesnt ...if i am lucky i will get a short offline message
that says something perverted and silly, which i do love,
but would it kill him to say i miss you?
maybe i am being too critical maybe i am just crazy with
hormones or maybe these things are really bothering me i
cant really tell..maybe i should take a midol and rethink
that one....
i just dont want to be setting myself up for anything
else...i mean i was crushed at thanksgiving and just
tonight with him not coming this week, i just dont want to
be all excited for my birthday and then it happen again, i
cant handle being alone on my birthday...i cant handle him
not being there this time...this is something i really
want...i just hope i am something that he wants too