justme

My Life.............
2001-09-04 20:55:04 (UTC)

Missing him...:(

No email from Jeff today, i should know better.:( i miss
him so much, why did i have to flip out like i did? why do
i have to be so clingy???? uuuggghhh! i hate myself.:(
I blame him for this to, its not all my fault! i told him
there was a way to get rid of me, swear to God that he
didnt love me, thats it, all i got was, "is that what you
want to hear??" that leaves me to believe that he couldnt
say it because he still loves me... and i know that wasnt
his fiancee, it was him, setting me up, he knows how mad i
get..:(
I wish i knew what he was thinking right now, does he miss
me? does he really hate me? is he glad im gone? I know ill
never get the answers to these questions, and i know ill
never hear from him again.:(
If i read a sad poem, i immediately think of him and start
crying.:( when are things going to get better? i dont want
to think about him anymore!!!!
I know if i was skinny and pretty he wouldnt have treated
me this way.:( then again, maybe im wrong, maybe it was me
being pushy and stupid, and everything else that drove him
away, i have to stop being like this!!
Ive been wondering if what i felt for Jeff relly was love,
i never actually met him,i just talked to him on the phone
a few times, can someone really fall in love like that??
what was it about him that i thought i loved?? hmmm, ill
have to sit down and think about that...........