~'- -SkipY- -'~

SkipYd'NiNj@t0tu$
2002-12-31 00:19:42 (UTC)

Behind All of Heavnz Doors, is a Staircase to Hell

have you eva noticed that everytime there is a happy moment
something shitty happens?...well when the fuck is my happy
moment gonna catch up to al the bad?.. im doin good lately,
ive got a nice job, things with my mom are on a medium, ive
been talkin to Ty alot more, n ive been talkin to my
ex....n yet still best friend...alot more recently too. im
fuckin stokd. its good. not as fabuluos are bfo but when i
smile i try not to think sad shit. well i work with my
cousin...well shesa board trainer.. n the first thing she
tells me when she sees me is how much of a bad brother i am
to my lil sis... she tells me that she misses me like
crazy, that she was upset that i wasnt round on XMas, n
that i havent been talkin to her cuz i dont love her. an
eight year old said that by themselves? do you think im
fuckin retarded? do you think i havent been around Chuck?
wtf!. i cant believe this shit. my fuckin eight year old
sister, my fuckin pride n joy of a family member, my lil
gurl, is fuckin sayin i dont love her. do you have ne idea
how fuckin heartbroken i was to hear that? do you have ne
idea??? i dont think so, not even fuckin close. Chuck n his
family sat round on Xmas to talk about how much of a fuck
up ive become, i havent talkd to that shithead for a good
solid year, i havent seen him since then eitha. i dont
givea fuck about him, cuz simple n blunt, i fuckin cried
myself to sleep for 15 years of my life because he didnt
love me. well im not worthless, maybe to everyone else,
maybe to a few, maybe noone even realizes im around, but to
me ive fuckin prooved everything i need to to get somewhere
in life. everything that i have done has made me who i am n
im not complaining.. im not the type of kid to get drunk n
stupid, or high n fuckdup. yes i am an ass at times, yes i
can be a dick, n hell fuckin ya i do have fun. but im a
fuckin hella a good kid, in three months ima be a young man
by age.. well to tell the truth ive been afuckin young man
since i can remember. everyone in life has a pizza of
shit... n despite how pittiful someone may be about
bitching of how they didnt get a cashmere for xmas, n how
the otha kid could say "well wat the fuck IS xmas?"... they
are all the same size pizzas, all have the same
seriousnes... do you honestly believe that?... if you do im
srry your fuckin ignorant n retarded. ive not done nething
that i regret, i dont regret being who i am, n i sure as
hell am sick of not being good enuff to anyone else. family
wise, friend wise, n specially relationship wise. well fuck
it all then, why should i worry myself about love when im
the only one feeling it? why should i say that ill always
be here when ive been nothing but left behind my entire
life?.. i cant do that nemore, i cant do that to myself.
family is not blood, family is the people that are there
for you when you need them the most, when they are crying,
when they are down, when they are smileing, n when they are
sick or in emotion destress... well i got two or three
people that come to mind when it comes to that. they are
the only two or three that go outta there way when they
think something is up. they dont wait until they hear from
me, they find out from me first. n foremost they like to be
there for me. i have no friends, cuz my friends are my
family in my eyes, i luv them all in ways that differ from
the love i have fo someone dear, but even despite how much
i try, itll prolly never glow as bright as needed to get
thru the winters night. im standing in mudd up to my knees,
im sorry that i cant be found, im sorry that you arent
looking for me, n im sorry that i didnt stop giving so much
shits until now. to my family i thank you for the 'luv', n
to that one that i 'love'.. thank you for helping me
realize that who i am is who i am, if there isnt ne
complaint as to who i am, then im confussed to all hell as
why it is the way it is.. but if i am who i am n thatll
neva be good enuff... well i cant apologize for that, cuz i
think i turnd out betta than neone will or eva had expected
of me......
FUCK YOU CHUCK, FUCK YOU DOWNS FAMILY, FUCK YOU TO ALL
THE PEOPLE THAT DONT GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO GET TO KNO
EACHOTHA.... N FUCK YOU for not loving me with your eyes
open,... the heavens arent only in dreams, there in the
hand that helps you to them. n sweety... the heavens arent
to far outta reach fo this scrub. i see them, n im gonna be
there shortly. when i see the light at the end of the
tunnel, ill be tempted to walk down the staircase cuz wat i
do is wat i do, ill never regret it, or ill never be sorry
for being me. i am who i am, n thats the way ima keep it
till im dead in the ground, forever ill be a wearin an
eternal crown
-this is me, n these are my thoughts.. if you
dont like it....then get the fuck outta it-




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