The days of my life
2001-09-04 18:35:24 (UTC)

fuck it

I don't know, I guess I am giving up. i have another
therapy appointment tomorrow morning. I should have gone
sooner. Last night was kind of scary for me. I actually
went so far as to cut on my wrist a little. I don't really
know what stopped me from going all the way with it, but I
stopped. I even wrote out a stupid little note. damn it i
have to figure something out. All that that accomplished
was a sore wrist. and me not really knowing how I feel
about it. I am kinda bummed that I am not dead. yet, at
the same time, glad I am alive? I don't know. I got a call
from my mom today telling me that my cousin is getting a
divorce. I think that she has been unhappy for a long time.
I just feel really bad for her. Of course had Dave and I
actually gotten married, I would probably be going through
a divorce right now too. I really miss her I need to go and
see her. I guess for that reason alone I am glad to still
be alive. I need to say goodbye to everyone... It just
wouldn't be right to not. Well I have tomorrow off, I think
Dave and I are going to go and pay the rent and i need to
do some laundry. should be a fun day... yeah right.
anyway... I guess tomorrow should help I hope. I also think
that she will be recomending more counseling for me. She
will also probably tell me to get the hell out of this
apartment. I don't know. life is too confusing right now
and I don't feel like thinking. I am still wondering why
Dave said "I complete you don't I" that night at Till Rd.
Why did he say it and what did he mean by it? awww hell, I
am going to go for now.later