laura_h

Laura's need to rant and chat
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2002-12-30 14:36:28 (UTC)

More of the same....

I am screwed in the head, I am repeating my history, I
guess when I refuse to learn from it, I repeat it. Oh
fucking well!!!

Yesterday I spent a lot of time with Ritchard then I saw
Duane, at least we got to watch Buffy, the show
called "Once more with feeling." I never got to see that
one. I so happy. Plus we watched a few other ones, so
that was cool... but he wants more than I can ever give,
atleast to him....

I don't mean to be rude, but my last few "real"
relationships all have been rushed by the guy. I admit I
hate to be alone (which is my problem, and I am trying to
deal with it, but fuck wish for love and happiness, it's
not like everyone else doesn't feel the same way) Well,
the point is why is that every guy I've been with has
rushed the whole "LOVE" issue, sooner than I was ready.
UGH!

Even though Ritchard is wanting more from, which is tough,
he'd rather me be happy with my life then settle. Hell, he
even encourages me to look closely at my "bi/gay" side. Oh
well, it's nice to know, someone cares about me.

Oh by the way, speaking of the bi/gay part... my brother-in-
law, J who is really wonderful to my sister and etc... but
he is very homophobic... so of course if I ever did figure
out myself and then admit to my family...sorrry I don't
even want to go there. On top of it, I have one couisin
who is a lesbian, my uncle may have been gay (but he
died... ok be honest time, killed himself) and they all
were on my mom's side.... so who knows... grrrrrr...argggg.

Life sucks... oh well... life seems to go on without me
wanting it to....

Laura


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