"Leben ist ein Weibchen."
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2002-12-30 11:38:09 (UTC)

Dec. 29th... sorry for the even longer delay

Well what better place to start at then the beginning?
I'll start with something that I don't have many thoughts
about. Brick. He called me TWICE today and woke me up to
tell me he had a gf that works at Taco Bell. Whoopidie Doo.
He showed up to drop off my CDs, and since I was on the
phone with Ashley, I blew him off. He got all butthurt. I
told him that he had business to attend to with his Taco
Bell gf, and he left and on his way out the door he kept
staring at me like he was expecting something, like I was
supposed to be hurt. I was jealous for about an hour and a
half and now I just could give a flying fuck. I told him to
stop staring at me like he was the only man in my life and
he replied with "I'm not in your life.". So naturally I
told him to not let the door hit him on the way out.
Me and Andrew (especially), and Chris have been going
4wheeling a lot. I keep pressuring him to go because I'm
going back to Denver in a week and I'm not gonna be able to
ride out there like I do out here. There's no place to
ride. AND even if there were, I don't know anybody out
there so I couldn't go anyway. Oh yeah, I want a Tacoma
now. I like 4wheeling so much because it's my way of
escaping from my problems. It is my way of getting away
from everything. Since I have a lot going on in my life, I
really want that peace in my life as much as I can get it.
Chris. The leasy likely guy that I would expect to
like, I do. He just strikes me as the most beautiful person
I know. He gives me little complments and I can see he
means them by the tone of his voice and the way he looks at
me. I never want to lose that look. That type of caring. So
innocent and pure. I just want him so bad that when I'm
near him, my knees shake. He's not my usual type at all,
he's so different. It boggles my mind.
The other night, we were sitting in a big parking lot.
Me, Chris, his friend Troy, Andrew, Randy and Brandy. His
two chick friends showed up and he talked to them for like
a half an hour before we left. I chilled in his truck
because it was nice and warm, just like him. We showed back
up a half an hour later and he was still talking to the
chicks, but they had parked danegrously close to each
other. I didn't want to have to pry myself in between them.
I felt out of place so I left and cried. Later to find out
that he was hoping I would have came up to his window, and
that he didn't want me to leave. Oh well..after a day of
fighting and bickering, we finally made up, and the only
way I could be happier is if I was with him right now. Him
holding me and being so innocent and sweet. He wore Fox
just for me. :) So i wore Fox last night and tody for him.
I don't really feel like talking about anything other
than Chris right now. I am leaving at the end of the week.
I want him to drive me back, I won't ask but I would love
it if he would. I want to cherish every moment I get with
him. Brandy and I talked today and I told her I want to go
back to Denver at the end of the week and she said okay,
but she wants to bring someone. I don't mind of course, but
I want it to be someone I know. She said she wanted to
bring Zach and I said no because what if I dont like him or
he doesnt like me. That's 4 hours of driving (at least) in
a truck with him and the rest of the night and day with
him. No. I'm not gonna pay for someone I dont know to go to
Denver. I told her that if he went out of his way to come
into town to meet me then fine, if we got along. But NO
gaurentees. Do you think that was a little out of line,
because she got PISSED? Hmm... food for thought.
Andrew and I have been hanging out every night because
Brandy has been really sick or hasn't invitedme to do shit
with her. I invited her to go 4wheeling with us nemerous
times but either she didnt feel good, had to go home, or
was at Zach's. I'm fine with it and all, I can understand,
but still. I dont want to lose her. I don't know. I love
both her and Andrew the same.
I wish Chris was here. I want to be cuddled by him and
I want him to run his fingers through my hair as I rub his
back. I don't want to go back to Denver, but if I don't,
I'm not gonna be prepared for my driver's test. I miss him.
I miss Brandy, and Andrew too. *argh*
I have been talking to Ashley from Wisconsin A LOT
lately. She always makes me feel better just talking to
her. We are both going through some hard times right now
and I am glad that she is back in my life. I want to go up
and see her really bad. She is helping me cope with Brick a
lot (even though I dont need any more coping) and she is
congratulating me on my crush, haha. She will always be my
besy friend. Always. I have her nickname tattooed on my
body and I will NEVER EVER regret it. I'm gonna get it
redone, probably bigger too, but aside from that, it's
staying. Her nickname was "Baby". Maybe some Tribal or
sun's or something happy. Something that everytime I look
at it, it will put me in a better mood. Maybe I should get
it redone in Wisconsin, with her by my side. Maybe that
will make it a bit more personal. I don't know.
Well kiddoes, I'm gonna head. Goodnight and the
sweetest of dreams to you all! PLUR (and I wish you all the
best of health as well)!

Mandy Michelle