soul survivor
2002-12-30 09:04:18 (UTC)

i don't know

Dear Journal

Lets figure this out cause me, i'm confused.
If i remeber, this christmas i asked god or santa to go and find me a
boyfriend, a good one and i'll deal with the rest. well kyle came
what the heck is this suppose to be??? like is this a sign you sent,
kyle?? cause if it is i don't think i can deal with him. no really,
all we do is argue!! and get into this whole thing where he wants to
be with me and i don't. question: why don't i want to be with him???
i haven't answered that! yes, i like him. but whats holding me back?
what am i afraid of??
whens advice when i need it, seriously??
no one hear to help me. my bestfreind left me a month straight. GAWG!
i don't know, i just have a bad feeling, i don't even know why i'm
attracted to kyle, he's going no where fast.
#1- he doesn't have a job,(gotta date a guy whose got a job, to make
things even)
#2- he doesn't drive (well i don't either, but i will)
#3- he didnt graduate, he still doin homeschooling and way behind
#4- i'm going somewhere fast and he's not.
i can't stand someone not having a job, most of the guys i've dated
they've all have jobs.
cause nothing is really fair. like for example, chad had a job, and
he didnt drive, but we made an effort to see eachother, he came to
see me and i went to see him. even when we went for lunch, he would
pay or i'll pay to make things even between eachother.
Honestly, i miss that boy soooo much, he was one of those decent guys
that just walks into your life.