lauren s

..always something new..
2002-12-30 06:42:03 (UTC)

updating; partying,playing and loving

Okay well well well.. so much happened since i last wrote
its like i have a whole new life. Now my best friends are
nikki and loreyn. Im so glad i got out of my last best
friendship.. she defined the word bitch. Nikki and Loreyn
party hard, but are still so nice and caring and the three
of us get along with everyone.. all in all we are very
popular if i might say so. Its a big accomplish coming from
a rich school of 3500 kids where most of them go unnoticed
there whole high school career. We party with the hottest
guys and are friends with the prittiest girls and it feels
good. so i give myself props for giving my life what feels
to be like a complete 180. however with the constant
partying comes the constant being drunk and constant
getting high.. which i should really slow down with
although it does help to break the ice sometimes. Umm ive
been pretty diciplined when it comes to boys though. i say
boy because no matter what grade they are in.. most if not
all guys act like boys right up until their like married.
Maybe ive only been diciplind because im still thinking
about Trevor. A boy i met in kansas over the summer.I live
in florida so that means.. we are not exactally close to
each other and after like 6 months you begin to loose
touch. okay ilied we lost touch like um a month after i
left kansas and it pisses me off a lot but he was so
perfect i know now what true love is and im not
bullshiting. i had that titanic moment with him. like ya
know .. when you have to leave him but cant so you just
squeeze him tight trying to remember the few seconds you
have left and cry because you dont know if you willever see
him again(like when jack dies..)its the only analogy i can
think of... but ya kow hes like a drug .. you just are sooo
hooked and hes all you think about ever andnothing else
matters but him and hes there to comfort you and he loves
you just as much as you love him and he sticks up for
you .. oh man id better stop before i cry... its so sad..
hes the one who got away.. and it sucks because i truly
love him and i cant be with him.. life is so damn bitter
sweet. im just a hopeless romantic with bad romantic luck.
Ummm besides thati liked a kid named derek but thats a
short story .. i liked him somewhere between a lot and a
little... but not enough to concider him a loss when i
found out he was interested in me as well as 20 other
girls.and im sorry but some of the girls he liked insulted
me .. because how could someone kiss a girl who so closely
resembles some sort of ape when im right here.. EUREKA !i
think i figured it out.. he must have some sort of slut
attraction.. oh wait no, i knew it all along i just
forgot.. hes no different then all the other boys out there
(aside from trevor; ) but that sucks.. he would have loved
me my freshman year lol !!! too bad. umm what else .. OH im
going to a therapist because i sometimes hate my dad and
like i have problems( none different then any other red
blooded teenager) but i like to talk .. talk a lot as you
could probably tell,and i just figured id pay someone to
listen to everything without inturrupting or just
pretending to listen... so shes like my new diary only she
gives feedback which unfourtunately im too self absorbed to
pay attention to.. maybe she can help me fix that lol !!!!
well im goin to go ill write back some time..
-lauren