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2001-09-04 11:28:33 (UTC)

hating myself

i hate pepole watching me, judging me, without even knowing
me, without ever even talking to me...they`ve just seen me,
and think they know me...and i hate that...

noone know the real me, cuz i can`t show the real me, not
the whole me, not even to my closest friends...i have a
masc, and take it of whan i`m alone...all alone in my sitting there...cryin`, hating myself, throwing
up, cutting myself, see me bleed...and just doin` nothing...

but i love my friends...and a few of my closest friends
know a lot, and therefore they really worry about me, who
care for me....if i only had let them help me some more,
maybe i would fell better. but i thinki can anything on my
own...but i know i can`t, but i wanna be independent, i
wanna be strong....but i know i can`t....i can`t do

i feel so alone, so miserable...i hate my life...but i
don`t hate my friends...i i can`t leave them behind...i
care to much...they care to much...

i don`t know what to do..or when or how to do those things
i should be doin`

it`s all so hard...and i`m hating it all so fucking
much...i really don`t wanna be a part of all this crap!!


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