Jin

Gay, London and Oriental. Take A Look ;)
2002-12-29 20:31:36 (UTC)

Looking back

Today Tom left England and returned to California. I known
Tom for a while and he said that he and his family came
down to Maidstone for Christmas(His mum is English) . Tom
is probably the one person that really makes my day.
Whenever I seem to feel down, just seeing him on makes me
forget my problems. Its strange, even when I feel really
down he just says a few words and I suddenly become myself
once again. Tom is such a decent person, he has a big
heart, hes loving and really fun to talk to. I remember how
I first really got to know Tom; about 5 months ago, the
online game I mentioned earlier, he AIM me saying "hey how
are you?" I felt strange that he would talk to me (the
online game that i mentioned hes an administator, a really
high levelled one). I thought I was in trouble for doing
something, but he just wanted to talk. As time went on I
started to grow really fond of him, we grew closer and
closer. He seemed to really like me and always talked to me
often. Whenever he said he loves me, you're real sweet, I
wanna hold you; I just felt my heart beating faster
whenever he would say those things. We would usually talk
about our lives, what we like to do, what we dislike and
about our history. He mentioned about his past online
relationship...with Carlo and Brinks. He felt really down
when he would talk about them and I felt that he didn't
want to talk about them.
In about the last 2 months Brinks came back. I said hey to
him and asked him about Tom and he would go quiet. So first
of you could say I didn't really like him. While I was at
University, Brinks was on questria. I asked how he was and
stuff and talked about alot of things. What we spoke about
was really deep, almost soulful. All the things that I
thought Brinks was had disappeared. We had a rocky start, I
found that he didn't really open up to me, and that just
made me real fustrated. At times when I spoke to him he
would be really quiet, like give 2 word answers, or say
nothing at all. He later then told me that he found me
really insulting and basically told me to not speak to him.
I felt really down, it was all my fault, I just knew it,
but at that time I refused to believe it. Then we would not
talk to eachother as it felt that nothing good could come
of it. We had our problems before but now we're real close.
I found myself admiring him, not just as a friend but as a
person. To me he inspired me to do many things, I found the
courage to "come out" to my friends, after knowing the
hardship he has been through, I understood why he was the
way he was.
My friends mean the world to me, every single one of them.
Sam, Ryan, Emily, Michael, Deren, Jamie, Amy, Rupesh, Kin
and many others (sorry I just can't think straight now,
mind the pun ^_^). I'm really blessed by having the most
caring, wonderful and loving people as friends. They have
really supported me, in a sense they are me, without my
friends, I'm nothing. I couldn't be me without them, they
are my soul, my life, my courage, my love, my all. I just
hope we all keep in touch, for now and forever. They're
more than just friends, they are my family.
Looking back on the year, I realised alot of things about
myself. I found myself being much more open to my friends,
found myself being in love and being loved my many (cries).
We only got one life, we should live it. To me there is no
Heaven or Hell. Life is a gift, whatever you do with it you
create your own path, and that will be your Heaven or Hell.
Life is way too short, so everyone enjoy it.
Have a happy new year and see you in 2003.