Chapter One: The Evil Within
Ohh, yeah, thanks will and chad, get me addicted to one
more thing, kevin smith movies, yeah, i love you guys too!
and on top of that, you guys were talking about the ninga
turtles, so i had to watch them, yeah, its late, but i
couldnt resist, i tore throught the tapes looking for it!
okay, yeah, well i am tired, and i have nothing to really
talk about! its 5 more days now! can you believe it? 5 more
days, and i will acctually be able to say that i have
wasted, just one more of my petty life, on petty things. I
still dont know what I want to do, not really, I have an
over veiw and all that, but i dont know exactly! and and
all of this 16th year, well at least a castr majority, i
have wasted on caring about people that dont care about me,
and i havent acctually been able to do what i want to do,
and i have so many things pulsating through my mind, i am
not sure what to think or do at any one given time, ya
know, you would think if i really was as smart as those
stupid tests and shit say, i would be able to organize my
thoughts, and make sence of at least something in my life,
but consistantly i am jumping from thing to thing, not
knowing what i really want, and truely afraid to settle
down on one decision. I think i am afraid of stability and
commitment, which are the two things that i always lacked
and wanted in my life, but i guess after a while of not
having it, you are petrified when you suddenly have it.
wow, i think this is the most vast horizon my mind has
thought of this late at night, or maybe even ever, no not
ever! see i cant even commite to a thought! grr, or a
spelling on something, i am so worried everything i am
going to do or choose is going to be wrong, or is going to
somehow become what i dont want!
ya know, i dont even know how i got to that!? i dont even
know what i was talking about, i think i was just kinda
blurting out how i feel. hmm, scared yet? i am! i am scared
of me suddenly, its like my altierior personality, well one
of them. yeah anyways
mary- you are an awsome babe that is going to one day,
become my awsome side-kick
willy- yeah, thanks for being a great friend also
chad-thanks for getting me addicted to things, and all
that, yeah, thanks
and me, well i am going to be now, ta ta, and good night!
ps- maybe i should just say fuck it, cause i can always fix
my life when i die and am reincarnated, right? or are my
fears and probs going to follow me! oh great, more for me
to think about!
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