CRstarr420

September 3, 2001

It's Memorial Day. It seems like this summer has gone
so fast. Nothing happened, and yet in a way so much
happened. We went out boating with my boyfriend, PJ, his
brother Tony and his wife Kimi, and their 3-year-old
daughter Cheyenne. I got severely sunburnt all over my
shoulders, chest, back, and face. Then we went to his
mother's house for the annual Memorial Day Picnic. This is
only the second year I've been apart of PJ's life, but it
seems so much longer. I love him, and hope that one day he
will marry me..but he's just not ready yet, and no matter
how much that depresses me, I can't push him into doing
something he IS not ready to do. Besides, we're both still
so young, I'll be 23 on November 18th, and he'll be 22 on
March 21st of next year. We have a lifetime to go.
PJ and I came home and cleaned the house, and then I
talked to my best friend, Heidi. Recently we became alot
closer, and I cheated on PJ with Heidi. I think that
because she is the closest friend I have ever had, I
thought the attraction I had with her was intimate...I
guess it was just that I was overwhelmed at how great it
felt to have a friend that understood me. Either way, we
had a sexual encounter. She's all depressed, thinking
about leaving her fiancee, they've been together for 4
years, and how her 1 1/2 old son would react to the
change. See I don't think that Heidi really wants to leave
Jason, I think that she just needs him to pay some
attention to her and the baby. She keeps becoming
infatuated with these guys, there's been three I can recall
she really seemed to like, but now that she's talking about
leaving Jason, I think that it's all a subconscious plot to
find an excuse to leave Jason. Not only that, but she's
not sure where she would go if she did leave Jason. I'd
let her stay with me, But PJ and I didn't have children for
a reason, and no matter how great of a friend she is....she
still can be a little irresponsible at times, because she
is only 19, and tends to be a little childish, like me at
times. And I can barely afford to live on my own with me
and PJ having $9-$10 an hour jobs. She doesn't make very
much and in the long run I know I'd be forking out more
money than I should....
I love Heidi so much, and I'm scared for her. But I told
her today that noone can make a decision for her, she must
make it on her own. I just hope she makes the right
decision. It's nearly midnight now, and I have to be at
work early. I'm not ready to go back....but I HAVE to work,
it's a necessity of life. Until next time.....