Sullen Girl

A Bird Upon the Wind
2001-09-04 03:48:08 (UTC)

Happy F*@'NG Labor Day

Labor Day? What the hell kind of holiday is that? I think
its just an excuse to have a three day weekend and a bunch
of random sales at department stores. I mean what is the
point of it? Its not like Halloween where you dress up,
have parties and eat candy. And its not like Thanksgiving
where you are thankful, or Christmas where you celebrate
Christ. And its not like Veterans day where you honor all
of the men and women who gave their lives, or MLK Jr. day,
where you honor a powerful man who dedicated his life to
civil rights. WHAT IS THE POINT OF LABOR DAY??? To make you
spend time with your family and then feel completely alone
at the end of the night?

OK, so its not really labor days fault that I feel this
way, but I just wanted to blame it on something, so why not
Labor Day? Why I am really upset right now is because of
Jake, and for godsake lets be honest, his name is not Jake,
you all know that. Its Keith. Keith, Keith, Keith! I am
tired of typing some name that means nothing to me, but say
Keith and my heart sinks, or flys-depending on my mood.
Right now it sinks. For a long time it has been sinking.
Tonight I finally gave in and called him. I couldnt even
remember his phone number, I had to look it up. So anyways,
I called and things didnt go well. I mean, I am upset with
him. And ofcourse he asks me if I am upset, and I say no.
Because I hate it when he asks me if something is wrong,
when he KNOWS there is. I hate it when at the end of a
completely empty email he says "I hope you are doing
alright" when he KNOWS I am NOT!!! So we werent really
getting anywhere on the phone, so I said I had to go. Then
a few minutes later he calls me back, and we pretty much
start arguing and then he says he has to go. So alot was
accomplished through that conversation as you can see.So I
emailed him, and told him why I was upset(you know, because
he hasnt been emailing me, and I was upset because I
thought he was trying to forget about me, and yadda yadda
yadda). Nothing mean, just my worries, my sorrows and so
on. So he emails me back a minute ago and it was so mean.
He was like yelling at me(you know how you can just tell
when someone is yelling at you in an email, well if not, I
know he was). So I just emailed him back, and I dot know if
he is going to write back tonight or not, but I have to be
going to bed because I work too damn early!!

He did say he was miserable without me, and he did say he
was lonely without me. But he also said he was mad that I
didnt want to stay together while I was at home. He said he
wanted all or nothing. So I asked him if nothing means not
talking or seing me at all, so I will let you know what he
says tomorrow. I told him I wish he would tell me, and be
honest so I could finally move on. I would rather learn to
be on my own, than to forever be depending on someone who
cant be there for me. I still havent thought about what I
will do if he does say he doesnt want to see me or keep in
touch. I know I will be sad. And I know I will feel alone.
But I dont know what I will do. I mean I really dont know
how to go on with out him. I dont know how to not email him
when I am sad, or call him when I need a friend. Someone
who loves me. Thats who he is to me. And I really need
someone to love me right now. Goodnight.