The mediocrity that is me
2002-12-28 02:07:48 (UTC)

Let go of this world.

I'm really pissed off at the general population at the

Well, actually, I'm more pissed off at one specific person
in the general population. I'm tired off all of this.
I'm so goddamn fucking sick of all of this shit. This
whole not mattering thing is really getting to me.

Look, I know I don't matter. I know that I never have
mattered. I know that I never will matter. At least not
as much as everyone else did. But for crying out loud,
can't you let go? Move on, for fuck's sake.

Look at me. This is so insane. I'm driving myself
crazy. And why? Because I care. Because you do matter
to me. And I hate it.

Fuck all of this. I can't deal with your stupid immature
insecurites while I'm trying to deal with my stupid
immature insecurites at the same time. Sometimes, I
really think I need you.

But I know I don't. Life goes on. And mine will just go
on without you. I'll survive without you. I can still be
deliriously happy without you. I'll still live without

It really pisses me off, knowing that you don't care. It
bothers me that I let myself care so much again. I swear
to myself, right now, that I am never ever going to let
myself care again. Why should I? It always fucks me over
in the end.

So right now, I'm letting go. We could have been great,
true. We could have mattered. But it doesn't exist. It
doesn't. And it probably never will.

So fuck you. Fuck you for all of your insecurities and
fuck you for not caring. I'm leaving all of this right
now. From this point on, I'm going back into my world of
complete independence. I don't need you. Hell, I don't
need anyone. You're nothing more than a good fuck to me.
I'm not going to let myself care ever again.

Fuck me for caring. And fuck me for still believing in
something, even though I've never experienced it.

Fuck me for still believing in love.