An inconcluded life
2002-12-27 04:32:27 (UTC)

You (Frank)

Hei på deg! Hvordan går det elskeling min? Hmm.. kanskje
jeg skal ikke sier det. ikke sant? Whatever.
Det er så vanskelig å skrive på norsk!!! Men jeg prøver.
Jeg må øve litt mer.
Jeg fant ett brev jeg skulle sende til deg. I guess I am
lucky I did not send it because kanskje it would had
brought more trouble to you. Anyways, I have it here with
me. I will keep it until I see you again. If I do not see
you again, then it will be burnt along with my body when I
I have already left everything in order for the day of my
death. I will not be buried anywhere, I will be burnt and
dropped at drake's island on the sea. So as much as I love
the sea, I will return to it in the shape of ashes. I am
sorry I tell you this, but I think it is fair to do it. At
least my death will not catch you by surprise, don't you
think so?
My brother read a letter that I sent you before. You know
I have them saved on word and I have not put a password to
them because you have not sent me the password yet. So he
found it and he read it. He did not know you had gotten
married. He almost cried. He took your email address so
he might be writing to you sometime.
It's been almost a month since the last time you wrote...
so I keep on wondering if you are still receiving my
You know, it is nice to at least receive a line from you
telling me that you are alive and that you read what I sent
Maybe I am asking for too much?
I am now paying in living flesh for my stupidity. For not
appreciating what I had and for not taking life as it
came. For deciding on a career before taking a shot on
family life. For not taking a shot on you.
I now have what any person my age is still fighting for...
a great house, an o.k. car, an excellent job, great
professional opportunities... but I am not happy.
Happiness can definitely not be bought.
Happiness is found in the small things life brings you.
And I never gave life a chance. Life brought you to me 3
times. I lost you 3 times. The third time is the last
one, or so they say. I guess I must get used to the idea
that I will never again have you in my arms, and that my
lips will not ever be close to yours again. I must get
used to the fact that my eyes will not find consort in your
deep brown eyes, and that the warmth of your voice will not
ease the pain in my soul.
But still, for me, love will always be you. As love is
understanding through difficult times, and hell this is one
difficult one! (at least for me, I don’t know for you). It
is caring past the disagreements and laughing together when
things are good, or laughing together to keep from crying
when things couldn’t seem to go more wrong. And now it is
that I need to hear your laughter, to be near you because
things can not go any more wrong than now. Love is also
patience and compassion, compromise and healing. It is
forgiving, forgiving and forgiving. I know you had all the
patience a human being can have… for ten years is a very
long time. And you waited for me and I was selfish to not
notice it. And now, the compromise is mine. Five years is
nothing compared to what you have gone through. I just ask
you to forgive me. Forgive me, Forgive me.
… Because to me, love is and always… will be You.