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2001-09-03 05:20:25 (UTC)

Work Work Work

I worked and went to school on Friday. I worked all day
Saturday, all day today and I'm going to work all day
tommorow. Followed by both my jobs (don't think I'm going
to make it to one of them) and school on Tuesday. Two
jobs ,a full time student, and 60 hours of field work this
semster. Am I nuts or what? Then there's the fact that I'm
taking the bus which makes my schedule so messed up. Argh.
I'm kinda like the energizer person. I just keep going and

I talked to Steve last night. It's weird but maybe he's
right, and I am more mature than he is. I mean I am still
upset with him, and hurt but I still worry about him. He
has a lot of stuff going on right now and I wanted to make
sure it was going ok for him. It's like when you really
care about someone you are able to put everything aside and
worry more about them than you. Then again that leads me to
question if it's a matter of maturity or a matter of just
not caring about me as much as I care about him. Yet he's
always been there through the years and he does seem kinda
worried about me. I don't know.

Then there's some small things. He still hasn't told his
parents what he did. Does this mean that he knows that
they'd think it was cruel or what? Then he siad something
about having class at 9 am and he couldn't remeber the last
time he had done that. Glad I made such an impression on
him. The hting he did remeber was when he has to take me to
work. He doesn't remeber the most important time we woke up
together and it was early. Who knows maybe I am making more
out of this than I should.

On Thursday I went out after church and I started talking
to this one guy. He found me in church this morning and he
looked like he was waitning to be asked to sit down with
us, so I asked him to. That was kinda odd.

My dad is still ticked at me. It's frustrating becuase how
can he expect me to be driving by a certain day or else if
I don't have any help? I've been calling around and begging
people to help me and bringing people out form L.A as I
can. It's so frustrating. I don't know what I think about
him being mad. Part of me thinks that he is justified. Part
of me feels like I let him down and hates that. Part of me
feels like he's over reacting and being stupid. he's never
been parental and now he's like I choose to be parental now
and i'm going to be ticked. It doesn't work that way.
Another part of me wonders if he wasn't being parental
becuase he didn't have to be. I don't know.
He got on me in his way about my room being a mess. I know
it is and I hate mess but dang all i do is work. To relax
or be social about all i have is the net. I'm not going to
come home from working all day and work all night in here.
I'm doing the best I can.

Then there's the church stuff. I have been so bad latley
about reading my Bible and spending time in prayer. I'm
just so so busy. Then again I know that you are never
supposed to be so busy and i can find time if I want to.
Part of me wonders if this is in reaction to the stuff with
Steve. Like now that this has happened I feel weird about
doing this. I don't know.

Dang do I type a lot. There's just always a lot on my mind.
It's nice to have a place to just let it go and to ramble
on and on.