Lizzy Kitty

Diary for the broken hearted
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2001-09-03 04:14:49 (UTC)

Opening story... The true one...

Let me star off with my name... It's Liz, Ace, Lizzy Kitty,
Lizzy or whatever else you can think of to call me...
Collie usually calls me Acey-Chan... it works I guess... I
live in West Palm Beach Florida, love horses, love animals
of any kind yet I'm afraid of all spiders... well ok.. all
but one... my friend Dav's tarantula Sadamm, yes Sadamm
like the Iraqi freak... I'm good friends with a dolphin
named Roxanne... yep a dolphin... a femme flipper I
guess... I love the ocean... I love nature... I love
drawing and I do sell art. I use to be happy go lucky...
Until, of course, my foster parents fucked up pretty badly,
met a few INCREDIBLE friends last fall... but hey... all
good things must come to an end... Their parents called me
every name in the book & before you can say "oh no a parent
would never cuss at a child" well these parents aren't
normal and they expect me to jump through flaming hoops for
them... Screw that.. I'd rather die then be their little
slave or even obey their slightest whim that was out of
line... which is what they are... out of line... 14/7
365... They expect me to be some quiet little freak & just
because I believe in the Ocult, Paranormal, Celtic lore,
Native American magic & practice some of it they call me a
demon... yes a demon... Now you might think I'm a little
batty... but I'm not... Believe me... I'm just highly
suicidal for VERY GOOD reasons... Any way... I supose I'll
stop with this babble and get on with actually important
*clears throat before sitting down*
Well, so at first I was not going to make this public for
others to read. I dont know why, I guess I just felt a
little wierd about it. But then I read a few of the public
ones, and I enjoyed it, so I thought maybe someone might
enjoy reading my journals, although I can't imagine why. So
why am I here, online, writing in a journal, basically
because I just have so much to say and I dont feel like I
can tell all of this to my friends. Like they might think I
am crazy or something. I have only told one or two of them
about my recent battle with depression. Recent? Yeah nice
try, more like my year old battle with it. But they dont
ever say anything about it to me, so I just smile even
though on the inside I am crying.

I dont really know how I should do this journal thing, I
mean I guess I dont need to cover everything in one day.
There is so much going on with me right now. Do you ever
lay in bed awake because you cant fall asleep because you
cant stop thinking and worrying, and wondering what is
going on? Its those agonizing endless thoughts that force
me to lie awake, and I dont know why I let my thoughts do
that. I should just get out of bed and go watch TV or
something. But all that's on TV is sex and volence and maybe late
night talk shows... Drawing... well drawing doesn't help much, sure
it takes time but you wind up coming out with depressed collages...
When I'm actually happy art is happy... but never the less people buy
it. Im a worry wort basically... I get scared and I get feelings of
things happening and people follow those feelings... doesn't help
much that they do, but that's their problem... I don't like being
right on things most of the time... infact. I hate it... I want to
stop being so "psychic". I should stop talking now and save the rest
of my worthless thoughts for tomorrow when I get on-line... Happy
labor day... stay safe...


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