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december 26, 2002
this is about 5 minutes after i wrote the christmas entry.
technically, this is still christmas too but i'm just
saying its the 26th b/c i have 10 min, and i'm rounding
time. anyways, i can't get over the fact that blake's bi. i
mean its like 'hello captain OBVIOUS!' but still.i go out
w/ a bi guy. hes so great though. jesse was just bugging me
for his s/n. and i'm afraid that jesse would make fun of
him. just b/c they're so diffrent. and jesse's like 'well i
just need to lay down the rules' and i was like 'which
are...' and hes like 'well if he breaks your heart he dies'
and he kept bugging me about blake's s/n. i was thinking
jesus christ who said you're in charge of interviewing who
i date? that's winter's job, and she approvs. so :-p i'm
also still depressed about the whole nick thing. i know
that when we went out i loved him. there is no doubt in my
mind that i didnt love him. i know i did. but now i just
don't love him anymore. and the more i think about him the
more i can't understand why we went out. we have nothing in
common. and i feel that my relationship with him was all
based on physical attraction. i never slept with him or
anything, nothing ever like that. i think if i offered he'd
take me up on it but i have more respect for myself. and i
can't stop thinking about blake. i miss him alot. i went to
his house last night and it was alot of fun. i mean it
wasnt like running all over six flags fun, it was like a
non-fighting family type fun. which is nice to be around.
we played bullshi in his room (his cousins and the 2 of us)
and we watched movies on his computer. it was just great.
i'm supposed to go over and watch movies on friday, and i
can't wait. hes at his moms house right now, and he's
coming back tomorrow night. grandma and grandpa went to
gary and lisa's yesterday too. and this is mean, i know,
but it's nice not having them here. but i love it even more
when i'm home alone. i mean dad and i have total control
over the computer. its great. and its just nice not having
someone whose uptight breathing down your neck. i talked to
blake about the bi issue, and other things, from 11 to 2 in
the morning! i mean if grandma and grandpa were here
they're freak. i miss him so much! i've been saying too
much though. jessie is like his best friend, and shes been
cluing me in. and i let some stuff slip. im praying blake
just forgets what i said b/c i want jessie to trust me. we
held hands last night too while we were watching the movie.
it was great. hes got really strong type hands. like his
hands could swallow mine. and he smells good. this probaby
really stalkerish and all but i mean seriously, i guess i
notice it b/c i liek him so much. and this relationship is
not based on physical attraction! which is great. i feel
like i could tell him anything. i mean ANYTHING. maybe he
wouldn't want to hear it, but i could tell it to him.
jourdan just started bugging me about what i'm writting. i
said i'm writting in my diary and hes like 'oh about who?'
LadykAt433: whacha doin
Super Kid Xero: playin vice city
Super Kid Xero: u?
LadykAt433: writting in my diary
Super Kid Xero: bout...
LadykAt433: all kinds of things
LadykAt433: i havent written for a week now
Super Kid Xero: like..
Super Kid Xero: ppl?
Super Kid Xero: who
Super Kid Xero: guys?
LadykAt433: and friends
Super Kid Xero: who
LadykAt433: i'm not telling!
Super Kid Xero: does it start with a B
Super Kid Xero: ???
LadykAt433: yea, sort of. i'm writting about a bunch of
LadykAt433: family too
Super Kid Xero: who the most
LadykAt433: w/ x-mas and what not
LadykAt433: my rents
LadykAt433: and what assholes they are
LadykAt433: well my grandparents and my dad
Super Kid Xero: who
lol...jourdan's funny sometimes. well, i'm gonna get going.
i'll go get some sleep eventually. hasta manana...maybe